A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the Inside, Demon on the Outside
by TheTMIFangirl
Summary: Catastrophic calamities attack our favourite Shadow hunters. Though demonic activity has died down for now, anguish and despair follow them as they make life-changing and life threatening decisions involving love and death. Though they may have angel blood within them, they feel completely overtaken by their own demonic behaviour.
1. Chapter 1

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter I – "Unexpected and Undefended"

Simon glared at Clary through her bedroom's window. Clary gazed back at him, momentarily stunned by his good looks. Though she was ashamed to admit it, "Sexy Vampire Mojo" had really taken its toll on Simon. She remembered when he was almost disturbingly thin, how the skin was loose around his ankles. The vampire transformation had really forced Simon to grow into himself; his face had filled out nicely so he didn't appear quite so much like a jack-o-lantern. His arms and legs had hardened to the extent of him becoming muscly, working towards a chiseled sort of look.

Of course, Simon looked nothing like Jace. Jace was a ray of sunshine, a golden angel sent down from above. In a way, Clary and him were a perfect combination. Both had a distinctive sarcasm and a terrible vulnerability just under the surface. But while Clary was more upfront about her fears, Jace mostly kept them hidden. He knew fear as a weakness that could be used against him, and Clary could only blame Valentine for this.

Simon rapped his knuckles on her window. Clary smiled; she knew he was used to watching her zone out into her own world. But almost instantly, her smile morphed into a frown. He motioned for her to let him in, mouthing _we can talk,_ but Clary just shook her head. She wasn't sure why she was so upset, why his kiss with Isabelle had called up so many emotions. She was butting into his private life. Maybe that was it; maybe it was because Clary had always _been _his private life. And now, after hearing that he had kissed another girl, she was getting irrationally upset. Clary knew she wasn't the jealous type, especially after the incident with Jace in Alicante. _Jace. _His name immediately conjured up a cloud of guilt. Here she was fussing over Simon, when Jace had never even spoken of the other girls, always following him around, during their time together. But somehow, still, Clary couldn't allow herself to forget the jealousy and hatred.

Simon turned to leave and Clary couldn't blame him, he'd been standing there for over an hour. She ran through Luke's, _Clary's, _she corrected herself sternly, house and outside the front door. Jocelyn and Luke had left Clary alone for the weekend, which was a first, and were having a romantic getaway at a nearby hotel.

"Simon, wait up!"

He turned, still wearing that confused grimace.

"So Fray, you finally decide to talk to me after days of silence," he says, "am I supposed to know what I've done wrong or are you going to tell me?"

Clary sighed.

"I'm not really angry at you," she admitted meekly, "just…jealous."

_Oh crap, _she thought, _what have I done? _But Simon just looked confused.

"Isabelle told me what happened between you two," Clary rushed on, "I know it's none of my business."

He looked surprised, then guilty?

"Clary, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it would upset you," said Simon, "its not serious anyway. You know Isabelle; she only plays with Downworlders' hearts." He paused and looked up at her through his long eyelashes.

"But Clary, you and Jace… I don't understand."

Clary didn't either. She felt ashamed. It was one thing to think about this stuff, safe within the confines of her mind, and another to openly discuss it with Simon. She was betraying Jace, her golden boy. She didn't, however, stop herself.

She kissed Simon. She could feel his surprise echoed through his tense body. He quickly adjusted, molding himself around Clary, tangling his hands in her hair. He parted her mouth with his, and she only encouraged him. In a daze, she dragged him back through the empty house and on to her bed, where they had spent so many nights together since they were children. What was she doing?

He lifted her shirt up and over her head, and she didn't protest. In return she raised the hem of his shirt, feeling the hard muscles of his abdomen. Simon's hands clutched at her waist, pulling her closer to him. He began on her jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. She was betraying Jace, but all she could think was _Simon, Simon, Simon… _

The door opened. Embarrassed, Clary leapt off Simon and turned to face the intruder. Jace's heartbroken and angry face stared back at her.


	2. Chapter 2

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter II- "A Call from the Devil That Was Answered BY THE ANGEL"

Clary had her head in her hands. Jace had left as quickly as he'd arrived, and Simon, with a confused glance at her and an apology, left soon after. What had she been thinking? Kissing Simon had been impulsive, a stupid move. What had Clary been trying to accomplish? _You were trying to show up Isabelle, that's what you were doing, _she told herself. _You don't even like Simon like that; you were just jealous and threw a tantrum, as usual. _ She had not only acted like a complete fool in front of Simon, but she had _cheated _on Jace. It was sad that after all her and Jace had been through, one false move was going to ruin everything. Clary was going to lose Jace, and most probably Simon as well. She knew how this would end. Simon would feel uncomfortable, things would get awkward, and he would end up breaking off their friendship. Jace would also end their relationship, and Clary would become lost in a black void of sadness. Clary sighed, which turned into a sort of wail, and soon enough she was crying, giant tears bucketing down. After about ten minutes of this, she straightened up. Clary had no right to cry. She had to make things right. She had to call Jace.

Jace's phone rang… again. He didn't pick it up. He knew who it was. Jace had come over to Clary's, wanting to know if she could stay at the Institute that night. He had thought that she would be alone. Apparently whatever agreement Simon and him had made over Clary had disappeared. This made him want to hurt Simon so badly, just a quick slice to end his petty life as a wannabe rock-star, with what, five girlfriends?

What really tore Jace apart was that Clary seemed to be controlling the kiss, smiling up at Simon as she had so often done endearingly to himself. She had had her arms and legs wound around Simon, and she was kissing him like Jace had never existed. Simon seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as Clary, though she was obviously the one in control.

Jace had never thought this sort of a thing could happen between him and her, he had thought their souls were bound together eternally. Maybe she couldn't stand to love him after all they'd gone through; the sibling lie, Lilith's possession and the twinning with Sebastian. Honestly, Jace couldn't blame her. Clary obviously just needed a break from all the crazy that seemed to haunt Jace's life. But that didn't keep him from feeling the hurt that she'd chosen Simon over him, and also the guilt that he hadn't tried hard enough to keep Clary. His phone rang again and this time he answered it.


	3. Chapter 3

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter III- "No Angel Blood"

Clary paced Luke's living room nervously. She was winding herself up, replaying every bad scenario that she could create over and over in her head. He would be here any minute, most likely to… Clary couldn't bring herself to even think of it. Break up with her. Clary shuddered inwardly. She knew she couldn't escape the thought; she was awaiting her emotional, and possibly physical, death. What she had done was inexcusable, a horrible mistake that should have never occurred in the first place. She had been acting like this ever since Jace had answered his phone, saying nothing but that he'd "be over in an hour".

Clary sighed and closed her eyes. She was a disgrace to all Shadowhunters. She was barely able to engage in any sort of combat, including demon hunting. She had led Simon to become a vampire, a wanderer in his times with the Mark of Cain. She had created runes that had harmed Shadowhunters, including the Clave. She had killed her own father and attempted to murder her brother, no matter how evil they both were. She had put her friends in extreme danger time and time again, though demon hunting was a dangerous and difficult job. Worst of all, Clary had cheated on her boyfriend, a Shadowhunter that was considered the best in over a century. She had cheated on Jace, who had always been so kind towards Clary. There could definitely be no angel blood within her. She had acted like a complete demon.

A polite knock came from the door. Jace would probably mean it as a harsh blow to the door, but Clary decided to take it as a polite knock.

"Come in," Clary said quietly, meekly.

The door opened and there stood an angel, with golden hair, golden eyes, Marks that decorated fair skin over hard muscle. Clary gasped. Even though they had been apart a few hours, it suddenly felt like months. She wanted to run into his arms, wanted for him to cradle her against his chests. But the realization of what she'd done held her back. His stiff posture and hard gold eyes stared her down, making her feel the size of an ant.

Clary felt her eyes fill, and they embarrassingly brimmed over with tears. She lifted her hand to wipe them away, but Jace's hand was already there. His golden eyes had softened to a warm liquid honey. She waited for him to hastily jerk his hand back, to curse and storm out the door. His hand simply lingered on her cheek, causing an irresistible amount of tingles to run up and down her body, for her heart to beat unsteadily.

"Jace…" she began. What could she possibly say to fill the silence, to apologize?

"I'm so sorry," her voice stammered, "with Simon… it wasn't…I didn't mean to, I don't even like him that way… I…love you…" Her voice caught and the last few words came out as a wail, "Don't leave me."

Jace pulled her close to him and held her tight to his chest. He couldn't stand to see her like this, even if she had hurt him. He couldn't bear to hear any more of her apologizes; he could already see in her eyes how sorry she was.

"Clary," his voice dropped to a whisper, "I don't care about what you did with Simon. I love you. I love you and losing you could never be an option that I would even pause to consider." He pulled her tighter against him. "But please… don't do this to me. It's painful –" Jace cut off. He had almost told Clary how much her episode with Simon had hurt him, how deep a wound she had hacked into his heart. But seeing her like this, it was if none of it had ever happened, like his heart was whole again. But Jace knew that that wasn't true, that it would take time to heal the damage that Clary had inflicted on him.

Right now he didn't care. He softly kissed her, and he could feel her wet cheeks against him, the tears of guilt that she was still crying.


	4. Chapter 4

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter IV- "A Somber Departure"

It was a brilliant Sunday morning and he was overjoyed with happiness. Simon couldn't believe his good luck. Clary had willingly made a move on him, after he had broken up with her those many weeks ago. He had promised he would wait for her to come back to him, though at the time he knew it was a ridiculous thought with Jace around. Now Simon wasn't so sure.

Clary had kissed him, and it would have turned into something more if Jace hadn't walked in on them. It was obvious Clary was jealous of him and Isabelle, which only encouraged Simon's beliefs that Clary had renewed feelings for him. He had meant what he'd said; he didn't have strong feelings for Isabelle, his true love remained with Clary, as it had for the last ten years of his life.

Simon thought that maybe his life was finally turning around. The last few months had been pretty crazy, especially the vamp part. Clary had slowly drifted further and further away from him, and closer towards the Shadowhunter world and Jace. Simon knew that these feelings of loss were pointless; this was Clary's _destiny, _just as it had always been. He just didn't want to be left behind. But after yesterday… Simon walked up the stairs that led to Clary's house. He was getting too excited. He needed to play it cool.

Clary opened the door. Standing outside was the person she least wanted to see. She didn't want to be rude to Simon, or to break his heart again, but she knew she made a mistake by stringing him along. It pained her to see the goofy smile plastered on to his face and she involuntarily winced. Simon's grin immediately slid off his face.

"What's the matter Fray?" He obviously didn't feel as awkward as she did. Somehow Clary had miraculously sorted things out with Jace, and it was almost as if none of it had never occurred. Unfortunately, Clary had to break the news to Simon.

"Simon…" she immediately felt betrayed by her own voice, which gave away more guilt than she had been planning on. He also sensed it and immediately tensed up, his eyes hardening. He looked braced, as if ready for the bad news he was about to receive.

"I…I can't do this," Clary admitted, "I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea." Clary instantly regretted her choice of words.

"How couldn't you have given me the wrong idea Clary?" he yelled angrily, "you kissed me!" Clary winced again. Simon almost never yelled at her like this. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Simon cut her off.

"No, don't say anymore," he said, "I can't do this any longer. We can't be friends. I would say I'm sorry, but honestly I'm not. I'm tired of you toying with my emotions. Goodbye Clary."

And just like that, he left.


	5. Chapter 5

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter V- An Act of Redemption

"I ask entrance into this holy place by the Angel Raziel…" The institute door swung open, revealing the welcoming corridors of the Institute that had grown familiar to Clary over the months. She stepped inside the elevator and spotted Church, who was slumped against a wall, giving him the appearance of a large gelatinous blob.

"Church, where's Jace?" Clary asked him, biting her lip. She hoped he wasn't training or demon hunting. She hadn't informed him that she was coming over; she hadn't wanted to give him time to avoid her. Not that he had been, but Clary was taking extra precautions after what had happened last week. 

Church led her out of the elevator and down the hallway. He strode confidently passed the library. Not for the first time, Clary wondered if Church was taking her in the right direction. She smiled at the memory of Jace calling him a "backstabbing Judas" after Church had led them to Isabelle under the false pretenses of taking them to Alec. Church flopped on the carpet in front of Jace's door, and Clary let out a sigh of relief. So Jace was here after all.

Jace heard a knock on the door.

"No Isabelle I do not want to taste another batch of your peanut fish soup," Jace shouted, "But I'm sure Alec would care to try some, you know how he loves exotic, foul new tastes."

He opened the door, and was surprised to see Clary standing there.

"I'm sorry I don't have a bowl of Izzy's soup," said Clary, smiling, "you want to go get some Taki's?"

She looked gorgeous standing there, as usual. Her red curls were tied up in a bun, and she was wearing what she knew was Jace's favorite blue sweater of hers. Her green eyes were dancing, yet they were guarded, as if happy to see him but waiting for him to slam the door in her face. Jace was used to reading Clary's expressions easily, but right now it made him uncomfortable. She still felt guilty, and Jace didn't want her to. He had done much worse to her over the months, and she had forgiven him without batting an eye. But doubt and fear still weighed his shoulders down; he didn't want her to leave.

He pulled her close and kissed her lightly on the mouth, before drawing away. Jace studied her expression; she looked surprised…and still guilty. It had been the first time they'd kissed since their post-argument.

He removed the pin from her hair, letting it fall out of its bun to hang around her shoulders in a red curtain.

He kissed the top of her forehead and said, "I'll just get my jacket."

Clary was savagely digging into her favorite coconut pancakes, slashing at them like the pain slashed at her heart. Jace had been happy to see her, that much was obvious, but she could also see the hurt that lingered behind his smile. She had thought it was behind them now, but as soon as Jace had opened his door, she knew that she had been stupid to even think such a thought. Only time would renew his trust, and possibly love, for her. But maybe… Clary shook her head. That wouldn't solve anything.

"What are you thinking about?" Jace asked curiously. He had looked up from his meal and had seen her shaking her head.

"Nothing," Clary said, her mouth still full of pancake.

An almost awkward silence fell over their table as Jace observed her. It was if he was looking around in her head, picking around in her thoughts.

"What are your plans today?" wondered Clary, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Nothing," said Jace, mimicking her, a smile on his face. "Isabelle and Alec have gone out with Maryse, so no one's at the Institute. I've got the whole day to spend with you."

She knew he wasn't expecting her to ask this, but she had to redeem herself. Clary's insides melted like butter, but almost instantly transformed into anxious butterflies.

"Want to go back to the Institute?"


	6. Chapter 6

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter VI – "The Wreck of Life"

Simon kicked a leaf aside with his foot, muttering under his breath. It had been a few days, but Simon was still aware of the crushing realization that continued to settle on his shoulders. He didn't want to think of Clary, about her beautiful curls of red, her fiery attitude, her white smile, or the happiness that radiated out of her whenever she was with him. She had utterly used Simon, though he wasn't completely sure how. She claimed to be jealous, but now she had apparently decided against whatever feelings she had for him. He could change her mind; he knew her love for him lingered.

Somehow word had gotten out about Simon and Clary. Not to everyone, but a selective few, Alec and Magnus. Simon believed that Jace had specifically let this leak to them, in the hope that they would taunt Simon, and unfortunately his premonitions had been correct. Alec had done more than teased Simon; he had openly shamed him in front of Maryse, causing him to become scolded. Simon knew it wasn't Alec's fault; his parabatai instincts had just kicked in.

As he turned on to the lane that homed Count Borscht and his blintzes, Simon spotted an angry figure striding towards him. An angry figure with long black hair, a curvy body, and a dangerous ability to pin a vampire to a wall with a variety of different knives. Isabelle.

Jace looked confused. He obviously hadn't anticipated what Clary was about to do. He glanced around his room, clearly wondering why she had brought them there. Clary followed his gaze, until his eyes flicked up to her own. Jace must have seen her wild look, and he stepped towards her, quickly closing the small distance between them. Jace tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, smiling.

"Why did you want to come here?"

Clary hesitated. She wasn't ashamed; she had to let him trust her again. She needed to be vulnerable, in every way possible.

She leaned closer to Jace, and whispered, "Because I love you.

After Clary had said those words, everything seemed to pass in a blur, though she remembered everything clearly. She was kissing his neck, he was kissing hers, and they were holding each other, melting against one another. At one stage Jace moved them on to the bed, and Clary didn't object. She lay on the bed, as they kissed frantically. The connection between them seemed to grow stronger, the feverish energy growing.

"Do you love me?" Clary sincerely wished to know the answer.

"Of course," he mumbled against her lips, speaking as if there was no other option. As if their love was undeniable.

"Do you trust me?"

At this Jace gently drew himself away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. She had done the wrong thing. She was forcing her love upon him, forcing him to trust her again. What had happened to the feelings that she had used to have for Jace? She had always felt as if there was no one else for her, as if Jace was the only person on the planet. Now there was someone else in her life, a person se had never strongly considered becoming her lover. Clary pushed those feelings down, forcing them to disappear.

"Jace?" she asked. When he looked up, a mixture of emotions churned around inside of her; guilt, fear, love, pain. He stared at her with a desperate sort of longing. Clary had seen this look before when Valentine declared that they were "siblings".

"Is that why you brought me here?" he asked. He must have seen the obvious confusion on her face because he continued. "To make me forget everything?"

She reluctantly nodded. There was no point in lying to him.

Jace looked away. The tension within the room grew.

"Clary, this isn't something I can forget. We've always had a careful love, something that could easily be corrupted by incest and demons. Maybe this is a sign that the fragile love that we have tried to protect from the wreck of life has finally been broken. Messages flashing like bright stop signs that tell us to turn in the other direction. This isn't something I can forget."


	7. Chapter 7

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter VII – "A Slap in the Mojo"

Simon cheerfully waved at Isabelle in vain, desperately trying to move her attention away from her horrifying anger. She did not return the greeting, and continued to angrily stalk towards him. Simon felt feebly scared. Isabelle was a highly trained Shadowhunter who descended from a whole line of other stuck-up Shadowhunters, and without a doubt could easily injure him or even kill him. Her furious expression, however, confused him; what had he done wrong? Isabelle was drawing nearer, now within a few feet away from him. She closed the distance quickly and before he had time to say anything, she struck him across his face.

Simon cringed with surprise, his eyes watering with pain. Heat seemed to radiate off the side of his face where she had slapped him, though it quickly faded as his medical vampire qualities (A.K.A. Sexy Vamp Mojo) took away the hurt. Unfortunately, the vampire mojo did not remove Simon's confusion, or the hatred that lit Isabelle's brown eyes.

"Iz, what…?" She struck him again, and his vision turned white with pain.

"I should have done that the first time." Isabelle snarled. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you, especially after your little two-timing scandal with Maia, but Clary?" She paused and threw up her hands. "By the Angel Simon, I didn't realize you were such a player!"

Simon's confusion was instantly replaced by fear. He hadn't even paused to consider what would happen if Isabelle found out about him and Clary. She could do anything to him; dice him into squares for her famously revolting soup, lock him up behind bars… really the possibilities were endless.

"Izzy I've said this once before," he mumbled, "you never act like we're exclusive, even when we dated before."

A cold rage distorted her face, twisting her mouth into what would have looked truly grotesque on most people, but just made Isabelle look dangerously beautiful.

"I did this time Simon!" she yelled, making people curiously turn their heads in their direction. "I turned down dates and offers from everyone who asked! I even rejected one of those sexy werewolves I saw at Pandemonium. Anyway, I at least thought that I would have the safety of your loyalty!"

Simon was completely speechless. It was as if all the angry retorts he had almost mustered the courage up to snap back at her had simply been knocked out of him. He wouldn't have expected a reaction like this from anyone, and certainly not from Isabelle. Simon was completely dumbfounded by the fact that she had rejected other men for him; he hadn't even thought that was possible for her. His shocked feelings quickly transformed into a heavy guilt.

"I'm so sorry," Simon said, feeling like an utterly helpless fool. "Clary used me, if it makes you feel any better. She kissed me and then ditched me for Jace." The words sounded even crueler out loud, and he wondered why he wasn't more upset.

Isabelle shook her head in disbelief, obviously not buying his story.

"Well, I guess you have no one now!" she laughed mirthlessly as she flipped a small dagger that had quickly appeared in her hand without him realizing. Simon gulped. So the soup theory had been correct after all.

A short silence ensued, which involved Isabelle staring him down, shrinking him to the size of an ant.

"I didn't think it was possible Simon," Isabelle said, her voice horrifyingly dropping to a whisper, "for you to break my heart twice."


	8. Chapter 8

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter VIII – "Java Jones"

Clary lazily sipped her coffee, propping her feet up on one of the small coffee tables that decorated Java Jones. It was needless to say how nervous and hyped-up she was feeling, but for the moment she just tried to expel the nerves that had been hassling her for the last few weeks. She refused to think about Jace and had already decided to focus more on her coffee.

Jocelyn had overheard that Clary was having some issues with Jace and Simon, though she was presently oblivious to what that problem was. Clary's mother had eased up a bit on the protectiveness, giving Clary a bit more room to breath. Jocelyn hadn't dug to find out the source of her love issues; she was content knowing that Clary was continuing her training whilst not being the target for danger, which had seemed to follow her around for the last few months.

It was true, that yes, Clary was still participating in her Shadowhunter training, except not with Jace. Maryse had finally called a professional teacher in, a tall man with muscular arms and sharp wits. He was often impatient with Clary's meager knowledge of demon hunting, though he couldn't deny that she was rapidly increasing her experience in the skill. Clary did not know what Jace's thoughts on this were.

Clary turned her head as she heard the tinkling bell noise that sounded every time a customer walked into the café. He was wearing one of his adorably geeky T-shirts with jeans, his cheeks slightly flushed from the harsh cold. Simon had reluctantly agreed to meet her; he had agreed that it was high time they sorted out their problems. He smiled warmly towards her, which was nice though slightly baffling. Wasn't he angry with her?

"Hey," Clary said in greeting, feeling comfortable for the first time in weeks.

"Hey," Simon returned, tousling her hair affectionately before sitting beside her.

They both stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Clary rested her head on Simon's shoulder.

"I'm glad things are back to normal," she said, "I'm sorry it took so long to get back here."

Simon laughed. "I think we both finally realized that it's not going to work out between us."

Clary tensed. She thought they were going to remain friends, not part ways.

Simon, sensing her stiffness, reassured her. "I meant romantically." He said. "I think we were just making sure we made the right decision."

Clary couldn't agree more. Being a teenager was all about experimenting, but she was definite that they had tested their relationship enough to know that they were better off as friends.

"I'm sorry I had to put us through that…again," she apologized, and then giggled. Clary wasn't exactly sure what had happened to make their experimental love life a joke.

"I can't imagine life without you Simon," her tone suddenly serious, "you are the rock that I've always held on to, someone who has always been there for me in both the mundane world and in the Shadowhunter world. Thank you for always staying."

"Hey, someone's got to keep you from falling on one of those seraph blades," he laughed.


	9. Chapter 9

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter IX – "Just like Jocelyn said"

"Now take my arm, that's right, and pin it behind my back."

Clary did so.

"As you pin it to my back, step behind me, and jam your foot into the indentation behind my knee, in between my thigh and calf. Whilst doing so, put your arm around my neck in a chokehold," commanded Basil, her training instructor.

Clary attempted to do what he asked, but instead ended up falling over, with Basil still in her chokehold. They fell onto the grass; the crimson autumn leaves crackling underneath them.

"As graceful as a swan," Basil laughed, as Clary scowled. She had wanted to show him that she was _improving, _not epically failing.

"Now the point of this exercise is to force your opponent to collapse, resulting in them becoming defenseless against your strangle-hold on their neck." Clary nodded, still scowling.

Basil grinned before saying, "If your battle comes to hand-to-hand combat, you will not only need to be strong and swift, but you will need to learn different techniques and strategies to defeat them, such as this one. We have already covered quite a few of them, but its obvious you still need some practice."

He got up, offering her his hand.

She tried the tactic once again, fairing better than before, but not forcing him to collapse against her. The day grew hot, for autumn, but Clary repeated the exercise until it was perfect. Finally, she succeeded in almost-strangling Basil.

She let him go, and he composed himself and grinned.

"You've done well today Clary," he said.

"Thanks," she laughed, "I should get an award for that."

Basil stepped towards her and deepened his voice, mocking a presenter. "Clary Fray you are hereby given this gold star for being able to successfully strangle someone."

Clary laughed, looking up into his eyes and… was suddenly aware of the feeling that someone was watching her. She whipped her head around, and found Jace standing on the edge of their glamoured training area. His face was unreadable, but it was clear he was waiting for her.

Basil cleared his throat. "We will continue these exercises tomorrow, after you have demon language lessons or whatever other Shadowhunter studies you do."

"Yea sure, see you tomorrow," Clary said distractedly, rushing over to Jace.

"Hi," Clary said. She hadn't spoken to Jace in a while, not since their "talk" at the Institute. His words still echoed in her head. _This isn't something I can forget, Clary. _She shuddered, and a look of hurt passed over Jace's face, though he immediately masked it into a poker face.

"Hi," he said sarcastically, "already flirting with the instructor? You push through guys fast, don't you?"

"No I was not," said Clary indignantly, "we were just training." Was that really how it appeared? Clary didn't have any feelings for the trainer, who looked to be in his early twenties. Had Basil been flirting with _her_? She strongly doubted it.

"Training? Is that what you call it now? I had no idea the scandalous business was public and educational now!" he exclaimed.

"Would you cut the sarcasm for one minute?" said Clary, exasperated, "Can I say something important?"

"What? Have you finally realized you don't have feelings for the bloodsucker? Have you discovered your undying love for your instructor, and that he too, loves you for all you are? Please, continue with your fascinating revelation!"

"Damn you and all your complicated wordplay. I just wanted to say I love you, Jace!" Clary almost yelled.

"Really?" said Jace, equally mad, "Is that what you were thinking when you ignored all of my calls, Clary?"

"Jesus Jace!" Clary said, "Can't we have a happy ending? We can turn this around."

Jace grinned. It was not a pleasant grin. "I'm sorry, but I'm all out of happy endings today. But you might want to try horrible death, wrong choices, or maybe malevolent destruction."

"Fine Jace!" Clary said, now sobbing uncontrollably. "Do you want to end this? Because we can do it right here and now; it would save me all this drama."

Those few words seemed to have a tremendous effect on Jace. He looked at Clary like he had when they were "siblings". She could finally see his intense pain, which mirrored her own.

"No Clary, I don't want that." He said softly. But Clary wouldn't listen. She _couldn't_ listen any more. She couldn't even the control the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"I know I did this to us. But its just like my mom said. _I've just got to face the fact that we are not meant to be together." _


	10. Chapter 10

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter X – "Depressed Cookie Monsters"

"Just like that, we broke up." Clary finished explaining.

"Yeah, I think that's how it is with me and Iz as well, minus all the slapping," Simon agreed. They were standing in her kitchen, where Clary and him had baked cookies, just for something to do. They must have both looked like some sort of depressed cookie monsters from _Sesame Street. _

"Simon, I just don't know what to do now," she said. She didn't care if she was complaining. This was Simon.

"I know what you mean. But we just have to go on with our lives, pretend that none of _this _ever happened, and I don't just mean the romance stuff."

"But I can't erase the Nephilim out of my blood, just like you can't erase the vampire from yours." Clary sighed. "We're on our own in a world in which we belong but yet we're outsiders."

"Wise words…" said a voice. Clary and Simon looked at him, both scowling.

"Luke!" Clary exclaimed. "How long have you been standing there listening?"

"Not long; I only heard that last part." She didn't feel embarrassed, and she could see that Simon didn't either. They just didn't want to have to explain everything to Luke at the moment.

"So what brings you to this deep conversation?" Luke wondered.

"Just…stuff." Clary replied, hoping he would get the hint. Thankfully, he did, and left the room, darkly muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "_teenagers_".

~~….~~

Jace walked through the crowded streets of Manhattan, determined. His intentions showed signs of madness, and maybe he was. Life no longer held meaning. Jace couldn't feel anything anymore. He felt hollow and empty, almost as if he were a puppet following instructions. Clary had cheated on him, and left him. Most disturbing of all was that that wasn't even how the weeks had played out; it was more what Jace was telling himself. Clary had cheated on him with Simon, because she probably felt emotionally unstable after all the events that had occurred recently. Jace had walked in on them, and had irrationally had a fit. She apologized, though he had still been mad. A few days later they had breakfast and she took him back to the Institute…only for Jace to end up giving her a lecture when Clary had only been trying to fix things. Finally after all that had happened, he had yelled at her because he himself was unhappy, and she had ended up breaking up with him because she thought things between them couldn't be mended. Jace had royally wrecked the best thing in his life.

His love for Clary was undeniable, and he understood that her love for him was as well, though he knew that she was often reckless. Jace understood how sorry she was, and deep down he had already forgiven her long ago. But things between them just hadn't seemed…right. It was almost as if someone was intentionally destroying their relationship. They both loved each other and weren't even angry at one another, but they couldn't stop screaming at each other. Though the anger seemed to be uncontrollable, Jace knew he didn't have anger management disorder, and Clary definitely didn't. His apprehension and suspicion was growing; Jace had learned that there were no coincidences; that things happened for a reason. He had had enough experience from…no. Lilith was dead, but maybe…it couldn't be possible. Jace's mind was just playing tricks on him.

Jace stopped. He had finally arrived at his destination, _Manhattan's Finest Gentlemen's Club. _He swallowed back bile. Was he positive he wanted to this? This wasn't Jace; this was not something he would ever do. He just wanted to feel something, _anything. _He stepped inside. It was madness. Flashing lights, flashing people. Jace smiled at his own joke, but then immediately wanted to vomit. He spotted a tall girl, who wore a very short black skirt with a matching tight black tube-top. She was very beautiful, there was no denying it, but she was not at all his type. She glanced over to him, beckoning him towards her with her chocolate brown eyes. He smiled and begun to follow her, not further into the club, as he would have expected, but outside into a deserted dark alleyway.

The girl's straightened hair, not at all like Clary's red curls, hung over her shoulders like a dark waterfall. Her skimpy outfit reminded him of Clary wearing Isabelle's dress at Magnus Bane's party, and how Jace had thought how beautiful Clary was. The stranger standing in front of him sort of had the features of Isabelle, though he had to admit that Isabelle was much more striking and pretty. Also, the girl in front of Jace seemed to be…cold. While her smile was warm, it didn't touch her eyes, which seemed to be frozen solid. Confusedly, Jace thought that girls looking for male attention didn't usually look so terrifying. Not that he was scared of her, but suddenly he wanted to get as far away from the girl and the club as possible. Then he understood. The girl was a faerie. The comprehension must have dawned on his face because she began to speak.

"Figured me out Jonathan Morgenstern?" she spoke sweetly, but it didn't thaw out the ice in her stare.

"Lightwood," Jace said. When she looked confused he explained, "My name is Jace Lightwood."

"Yes, yes," she said, starting to get impatient. Jace wasn't sure he really wanted to get to know her any more. As if hearing his thoughts, she spoke again.

"Obviously I'm not here because I want you," she spoke as if it was a matter-of-fact.

"Yes, and obviously I wasn't interested in you. You faerie folk remind me of dolls; though they possess great beauty, their lack of human emotions and souls make them altogether inanimate and inhumane," said Jace, the stream of insults flowing easily from his mouth.

"You dare insult me Jonathan Morgenstern?" she said angrily before composing herself. "I am here with a message from the Seelie Queen."

Jace freaked out. There were no other words for it. Whatever came with the Seelie Queen was always bad news.

"You have been invited, or more _ordered, _to the Seelie Court."

"And if I refuse?" Jace knew he sounded menacing, but inside his insides had finally been frozen by the girl's icy glare. His earlier foreboding had been correct. There was someone messing around with him and Clary's love life.

"No one refuses the Seelie Queen."


	11. Chapter 11

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XI – "An Understanding That Suddenly Became Unclear"

"Isabelle," Simon spoke into the receiver, "Isabelle please just pick up."

The voice message tone beeped, and Simon stowed his phone in his jeans pocket, irritated.

"Still hung up over Isabelle?" Clary said, coming into the room with steaming cups of coffee.

"Ha ha," Simon said sarcastically, "nice pun by the way though. I guess you picked up some of that fancy wordplay from Jace?"

A shadow passed over her face, and her eyes immediately darkened. He cursed silently. How stupid was he to say that, to mention Jace at all?

"Clary…I didn't mean that," Simon said carefully. The shadow passed from her face, but her eyes remained cold and distant.

"No," she said briskly, handing him the coffee. "It's fine. I brought Isabelle up anyway."

Simon didn't reply to that; it was true after all. He had finally gotten over his feelings towards Clary, ceasing the romantic gestures, which left their loving, comfortable friendship that Simon hadn't realized he'd missed. However, he still wasn't sure what he felt for Isabelle. Her confessions had shocked him; he hadn't believed that Isabelle would turn down a guy, or even _could _turn down a guy, and especially not for a guy like him. She had finally believed that they were exclusive, just when he'd thought they weren't. It would be difficult to make it up with her, if he could do that at all. He sighed, frustrated.

"Everyone always told me, but I never believed that love could be this difficult," Clary said, her eyes tearing up. Simon was surprised; she rarely cried. He moved closer to her on the couch, putting his arm loosely over her shoulder. She muffled her face on his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. He wrapped his arms around her. He soothed her using comforting words, willing her to calm down with his fantastic _persuasive _vampire abilities. Eventually, Clary sat up and wiped the tears from her red face. Simon hated to see her like this.

"I'm so confused," she whispered, and Simon could sense a big conversation coming on. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"With Jace and I, it was like we were soul mates, like there would never be anyone else, for either of us," Clary began, the tears still flowing freely. Simon ached to wipe them from her face, but he was sure she would smack his hand away. She was trying to act strong again, which meant, "no comforting allowed".

He had seen this look on her face often enough, especially when they were kids and she would say, "Simon, I'm a _big _girl."

"And then suddenly, it was like everything changed. It was almost as if I couldn't remember Jace, or that I was in a relationship with him anymore," she paused. "Why would I think that Simon? We all know that Jace is, and always has been, on my mind. It was like, for a moment, he was erased from my memory, and when it did return, I was left with a distorted, angry image of him in my head. You don't think that sounds crazy, do you?"

Simon hesitated. He didn't think what she was saying was crazy at all, but the alternative was almost unthinkable. Still, stranger things had happened since they'd been introduced to the Shadow world.

"Maybe someone's screwing with your relationship?" he suggested, looking at Clary for her reaction. Realization dawned on her face as a furious anger lit up her eyes, like an appalling idea had popped into her head.

"Simon I know wh–" she abruptly cut off, and suddenly began to choke. Her hands clutched her throat, and she seemed to be struggling for air. Simon, scared and dismayed, seemed to be frozen in place as he watched Clary's fingers claw at her neck, leaving red marks. Her face was the perfect image of pure terror. She stared at him and her green eyes gave him a simple message; _help. _Then suddenly, she was able to breathe again. She panted heavily, breathing deeply in and out, as Simon exhaled as well; he had not realizing he had been holding his breath.

"What the _hell _was that?" Simon asked, frightened.

"No idea," Clary said monotonously, as if nothing had ever happened. "I think I just needed a drink."

Suddenly Simon was worried. He noticed the fierce anger that had radiated out of her before was now absent.

"You were about to say something, and then you starting choking!" Simon half-screamed.

"Simon what are you _talking _about?" Clary said, annoyed. Just a moment ago, she had seemed to know the answer to his question, but now she had no recollection of it. Something was off about this situation, something very wrong, and something strangely _familiar. _Clary was talking, and then all at once, she had begun suffocating. Then, Simon understood what had seemed so recognizable with what had just occurred. That was exactly the same thing that had happened to Simon when he trying to say "God". Someone, or something, didn't want her to reveal that they were messing with Clary and Jace.


	12. Chapter 12

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XII – "Beware"

Jace walked through the room of dancing faeries with Meliorn. The whole scene was fairly déjà vu, and Jace couldn't help remembering the time that he had come here with Clary. His stomach knotted up nervously as he remembered what the Seelie Queen had ordered them to do in order to earn the freedom of Clary. It had been such a troubled time for them both; their love had been so wrong, and everyone they knew thought less of them because of the incest. Now, the Seelie Queen was doing God knows what, just to further wreck their relationship.

They arrived in the faerie Court, in front of the Seelie Queen. She looked down on Jace with her usual superior smile and knowing clear blue eyes. A nearly uncontrollable rage came over Jace, and he grit his teeth in anger. He ached to slap the smile off of her face, and to make her feel the pain that she had inflicted on him time and time again.

"What the _hell _are you up to?" Jace asked, his voice dangerously calm. Unfortunately, the smug smile remained on her face, as she said, "Not in the mood for your usual charm, Jonathan? A pity…I rather liked the charisma you brought to my Court."

Jace felt his hands clench at his sides. How dare she make fun of him.

"What are you doing to Clary and I?" he demanded, blinded by a white-hot fury.

"Ah, how is the redheaded girl? She always was quite…unsavory," the Seelie Queen remarked. The grotesque smile seemed to be plastered on to her face. "Though your first visit here was extremely entertaining for us, as it was for you. How was it playing dress-up as siblings? I must say that she is much unlike you; quite distasteful in my opinion."

Jace had been right. She was definitely the one ruining their relationship, and she knew that he knew.

"What do you want from us?" Jace said again, anxious not to show his anger; he didn't want to give the Seelie Queen the satisfaction of seeing it.

"I want nothing from you," she said, smiling. "I need nothing from the pair of two young Nephilim, though your abilities could be quite useful." Her voice lingered on the last word.

"So you're trying to separate us because you want to _use _us?" Jace said incredulously, "I understood that faeries were heartless, and I was quite aware how much you reveled in manipulating the love of others."

The Seelie Queen's face tightened alarmingly, and Jace continued, unable to hide his happiness at her tension.

"You most likely have never had a lover. One couldn't possibly enjoy being in your company, as apparently you feel no real emotion. I'm not even sure you are part-angel, because the only half that is visible is the demon side. Beauty means nothing if you have a heart of ice," Jace stated.

The now-furious Seelie Queen stood up, her clear blue eyes staring right at him. "I have powers darker than your nightmares and stronger than your petty Nephilim army. With a wave of my hand, I can force a man into madness; can make him see horrible visions of a future that will never be. With a simple order, many would fall dead of their own accord, driven by fear. Beware; an unexpected friend will be killed, severing ties that will never be mended. A queen will whisper into the ear of your loved one, forcing her to see evil in the world of angels. A love that was meant to last will end in tragedy. Do not underestimate me Jonathan Herondale."


	13. Chapter 13

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XIII – "A sign of madness"

Clary glumly stared at her coconut pancakes. Though her favorite dish still looked delicious, she couldn't bring herself to eat them. Vaguely, Clary recalled that lack of appetite was a side effect of depression. She believed she had been doing well since her and Jace broke up; she had regularly been seeing Simon, she was helping Jocelyn and Luke arrange their wedding, and she was even going to some of the gigs by "Ferocious Bacteria". Clary shook her head and laughed quietly to herself as she thought about Simon's ridiculous band name. More people were turning up to their gigs nowadays, which Clary suspected was because of advertising and the fact that Jordan could actually _sing. _

Clary contemplated all of these facts as she stared at her breakfast. Clary definitely wasn't the depressed type, so why wasn't she eating? She had trudged groggily over to Taki's earlier that morning because of a sudden craving for the pancakes, but there they were in front of her, and she didn't want them. Clary gulped them down, remembering she had training soon. In a change of scenery, they were training at the Institute today, instead of Central Park. Basil had promised her that they were to begin on the seraph blades, and Clary couldn't contain her excitement. She had always wanted to be able to gracefully swing the blade, just as Jace had done. _Jace. _As she paid and left, she stopped suddenly outside of the restaurant. There, standing in the street, was Jace. Worriedly, Clary thought that hallucinations were not the side effect of depression, but of madness. Had she really been thinking of him so often that her mind had conjured up an image of him before her? She began walking away from him, and towards the Institute.

"Clary!" _Okay, _Clary thought, _that voice definitely wasn't in my head. _

She whirled, staring at Jace hard as he ran up to her.

"Is something wrong with the Clave?" she asked stiffly, "or is there news of Sebastian?" Clary watched a look of hurt pass over Jace's face, though she couldn't possibly understand what she had said to offend him. The only reason he would talk to her would be of politics, or if there was an immediate danger.

"No, there isn't," Jace said, "but I need to talk to you about something."

"Well, I have to be at training," Clary said, faintly annoyed. "What is it?"

"Can you skip training?" he asked. It may have been her imagination, but she thought he sounded slightly desperate.

"It better be important." Clary knew she was being rude, but she was happy with it that way. She wanted to distance herself as much as she could from Jace Lightwood.

"Trust me, it is."

"Whatever, Jace," Clary said angrily, walking away from him. He sunk down until he was sitting on the pavement with his head against a brick wall. Jace sighed, frustrated. He had told Clary everything that had happened in the faerie Court, and how he had come to the conclusion that the Seelie Queen was toying with their relationship. Apparently, she hadn't believed him. Jace felt as if he didn't know or understand her anymore. A month ago, his Clary would have believed him whole-heartedly. She had always trusted him, and furthermore, he knew that she hated the Seelie Queen. Even though they had broken up, Jace still had expected that she would care about him, if only a bit. He still cared for her, more than she knew. The Seelie Queen would pay, he thought, she had to pay.


	14. Chapter 14

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XIV – "Love is a hallucination, brought on by longing"

Clary had been wrong; the image of Jace standing in the street hadn't been a hallucination. The hallucination was any remains of the love for him that she had once felt. Did he really think he could pin all of it on the Seelie Queen? His behavior was bad, but how he had acted recently was horrific. The hurtful things he had said to her were less than his regular, charming self. His charisma had disappeared entirely. How would he explain the Seelie Queen did _that? _He was obviously going to great lengths to come up with an excuse for what had happened between them. But the faerie queen wasn't to blame. She didn't mind the Seelie Queen; she was likeable and had always been kind to Clary. Clary jerked her head and her body thrashed wildly. The motions ceased, but Clary could almost swear she had seen something, touched a distant memory of the Seelie Queen. She shook her head. The queen had done no wrong. The hallucinations were getting worse.

Jace was furious, not only with the Seelie Queen, but with himself. He had played right into her trap, allowing her to enter Clary's mind and to tamper with their relationship. He should have noticed, should have _seen _what was going on. Instead, he had been too blinded by a sudden hatred from Clary. The Seelie Queen had not only found Jace's weakness, she had openly threatened him in the Court. Though Jace knew the Seelie Queen had grown wise with age, he was bewildered when she stated she had mysterious dark powers. Faerie were half-angel, half-demon, but they did not possess any extreme supernatural powers. This eliminated most dark magic, though they were clever, cunning and persuasive. The Seelie Queen most likely had not been born with these supposed powers; someone must have given them to her. Jace was uneasy as he thought of Sebastian. It was true; Sebastian was definitely a candidate for suspicion, though Jace knew that the Queen probably had many other allies. Jace knew he was to report this immediately to the Clave, but he needed evidence before any actions could be made against the Seelie Queen. If she did possess these powers, she was indeed a dangerous enemy. Jace sighed. Clary's house loomed in front of him, and he knocked on the door.

As expected, Clary opened the door. What was unexpected was the fact that immediately after seeing him, she shut the door.

Jace sighed and said, "Clary, please."

The door opened a fraction of an inch.

"What do you require?" she asked. For a moment, Jace thought she was being sarcastic, but her tone was perfectly serious.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing?" Jace said, with a fair amount of sarcasm packed into his words. "Knowing the Seelie Queen is taking up residence in your head would be enough to drive anyone mad."

Though he sounded as if he were joking, Jace truly wanted to know the answer. The visit to the Court had made him worried. He had had his fair share of demonic influence and possession, and he knew what it was like to not feel in control. She had put her own life on the line multiple times to save him from it, when Lilith and Sebastian had penetrated his mind. Clary was in there somewhere.

Clary opened the door fully and regarded him coldly, "I see you lack your usual charm."

Jace, dumbfounded, could only stare. Clary sounded completely unlike her regular stubborn, sarcastic, laughing self, and more like an old, monotonous book.

"Jonathan, if you do not wish to say anything sincere, you must leave." She said simply, already preparing to close the door.

Jace gazed, openmouthed, at her. Jonathan? She had never called him that; she knew him as Jace, as _her _Jace. Was she joking or… Jace gasped. The Seelie Queen had done more damage than he had thought. As it had been with him, a careful influence had bloomed into a complete possession. This time, the shoe was on the other foot. Without looking at her, Jace barged into Clary's house, pushing her out of the way. If Clary couldn't hear him out, Jocelyn would.


	15. Chapter 15

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XV – "The Faerie Folk Do Not Lie"

It turned out that Jocelyn wasn't home, but a surprised Luke was.

"Jace!" exclaimed Luke warmly. "Haven't seen you around!" Though his voice was cheery, there was an implication under his words. He either knew or believed that him and Clary had broken up. Jace grimaced. Luke gave him a sad look. He looked appropriately disheveled, his glasses askew, his hair messy, two buttons undone on his blue flannel shirt; it was a typical werewolf look.

Clary angrily strode into the room after Jace, though it was not her usual stubborn stomp, but a graceful stalk. She looked enraged, her normal dancing, green eyes filled with fury and malice. Jace had seen the very same look on the Seelie Queen, and the similarity sent an unwelcome chill through his body. _No, Clary isn't turning into her. Its just possession. She can be saved. _But even as he thought the words, Jace didn't know if they were entirely truthful. The Seelie Queen had said she beheld tremendous powers. He didn't know if Clary _could _be saved. Jace shook his head, clearing it of such thoughts. He turned to Luke.

"Please," he pleaded, "make her leave."

Luke looked extremely uncomfortable, and for a moment Jace felt a twinge of sympathy for him. But then he remembered that they needed to save Clary. As Jace looked at how furious she was, it was difficult to imagine that she needed saving at all. Possession was so controlling, it was a wonder Clary was in there at all. Jace hoped that she _was _in there.

"Luke," Jace said desperately, "please. I came here to talk to you." He hoped his voice passed for innocent and urgent, and when Luke kindly ordered Clary out, he realized it had. Luke looked at him with incredible tenderness, and motioned for him towards the chairs and couch that surrounded a small tea table.

"Possessed?" Luke's voice was full of alarm and worry. Jace couldn't blame him; his own head was swirling with thoughts and his stomach was churning unhappily with fear.

"I suspected this," began Jace, "when Clary became so angry it was like she had bipolar. But then, in Manhattan, I received a message from the Court ordering me to the Seelie Queen." Luke sucked his breath in apprehensively.

"I questioned her on how she had become involved in Clary and I's relationship. She said that she had dark powers beyond the forces of a Nephilim army," Jace said, hoping the fear did not seep into his voice.

"But she could be stalling, covering for someone," Luke put in, obviously thinking of Sebastian. Jace shook his head.

"The faerie folk do not lie," he said gloomily. "I think the Seelie Queen was first influencing Clary; whispering evil in her ear somehow. But now, she talks, moves and acts like the Seelie Queen. I have been possessed by Lilith, the mother of all demons, I understand the signs of possession."

Luke nodded grimly.

"The question is," Jace said, "is how the Seelie Queen obtained these powers, and why she is using it to separate Clary and I?"

"She must be in an alliance with Sebastian," Luke said, realization dawning on his face. "He knows that if he can not have you both, you must be separated. He must believe that it is dangerous for two such people with unique angel powers to be together. You pose a risk to him, one that he is not willing to take."

Jace could only agree. Deep down, he had known all along that Sebastian was the source of his woes. He almost always was.

"But how do we help Clary?" Jace asked, his voice full of agony.

Luke patted Jace's back affectionately, and the next few words he said were full of compassion and sympathy. "We will have to see Magnus."


	16. Chapter 16

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XVI – "An Irritated Magnus"

Magnus lazily picked up broken glass and other day-after-the-party waste that lay around his apartment. Sure, he could clean it all with a click of his fingers, but at the moment he had nothing to do and had decided that playing the role of a mundane for the day would suffice as an activity. Magnus continued to find scattered rubbish around the room; poking out from under chairs, lying haphazardly on the floor. He even found a torn-up teddy bear abandoned under one of his finest red velvet couches, its stuffing pouring out on to the floor. Magnus smiled, _vampires and their games. _

He couldn't exactly remember the night before. The party, though vibrant and lively as ever, had contained little interest for Magnus. He suspected it had to do with an anxious feeling about a certain black haired, blue-eyed boy. Magnus wasn't the angry type and generally didn't hold grudges, but Alec had attempted to rid him of his immortality. Magnus had furiously ended the relationship right then and there. In an eternal life, relationships ended almost as quickly as they'd started, and Magnus had been with many.But Alec had been different; Magnus had actually believed that he had found his soul mate, or whatever those horribly sappy, in love romantics said.

Magnus was still sweeping the area clean, when he heard the buzzer, which indicated that someone was there to visit him. He was surprised; he hadn't been expecting anybody. He pushed a button to let them in. Unashamed but simply irritated with the mess, he magicked the dirty mess away just as Lucian Graymark and Jace Herondale stepped into his room.

~~…~~

Magnus was annoyed. Yet another Shadowhunter problem was here on his doorstep, demanding to be solved. The Clave, possession, it was always the same thing. Also, he had thought he had made it very clear that he would not assist any who associated often with Alec, especially not his golden-eyed _parabatai, _who now sat stony eyed in front on him. There was so much hidden vulnerability in that boy, he thought, and it was such a waste since he had decidedly covered it up with a very unlikeable sarcasm and rudeness.

"So will you help us or not?" said Jace impatiently, his golden eyes blazing. Honestly, Magnus had only been half listening. He really wasn't interested in yet another case of demonic possession.

Magnus pursed his lips. "This is not as powerful as Lilith's possession over you," he said, talking to Jace. "But nevertheless, the Seelie Queen is a dangerous opponent. The Silent Brothers perhaps could try to heal her, but it is not certain they would be able to. You could possibly somehow awaken Clary's trapped inner self, as she did with you once, or learn of the Seelie Queen's powers."

"If we found out what her powers were," said Lucian, looking troubled. "Could you help us remove her hold over Clary?"

Magnus sighed. He reallydidn't want to help the pathetic Nephilim _again, _but something in Lucian's eyes made him uneasy. Lucian looked so hopeless, and Magnus could only remember Alec's tragic, electric blue eyes when he had left him.

"Fine," he said finally, giving in to sympathy for the werewolf,

Lucian looked so relieved it was heartbreaking. Jace on the other hand merely looked more agitated, if that was even possible.

"You said I somehow could reach Clary," Jace said sharply, "is that possible in her possessed state?"

"With regular demonic possession, yes," replied Magnus, "but I am not sure if this is the usual case, and we are not aware of what powers the Seelie Queen has been given."

Jace sat back, a determined look set on his face.


	17. Chapter 17

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XVII – Trigger

Clary tried not to look bored as the Lightwood child droned on about the Clave's latest Downworlder problem. _Really, _she thought, _the Clave refuses to ever accept us as an equal. To them, we Downworlders are inferior scum. _For a moment, Clary snapped back to reality. She was Nephilim, a Shadowhunter. But then, he tightened his hold on her mind, and she slipped back into a controlled oblivion.

~~..~~

Clary could see that Isabelle Lightwood was irritated with her. Perhaps it was obvious she had not been attentive? The Lightwood heaved a sigh.

"Have you been listening to a word I've been saying, Clary?" she now asked, pursing her lips and folding her arms. Clary decided she had two options, act innocent with the defensive side, or attack with the offensive.

"I'm tired of hearing about the Clave," Clary said, trying to do her best modern day drawl.

"You don't think what I've been saying is important?" said the Lightwood, looking mildly shocked.

"The Clave is corrupt," she replied simply.

"Mmm," was all she said in response.

Clary was vaguely surprised. She had thought the Lightwoods were completely loyal to the Clave. _The Law is hard, but it is the Law. _Was that not the motto they upheld?

"Not treating Downworlders equally and killing off our own kind, its all so stupid," Clary went on. "Valentine was a great leader, but the moment he posed the slightest threat to the Clave, he was eliminated."

"Sebastian could have followed in our father's footsteps, upheld the name of the Morgensterns," she continued, ignoring Isabelle Lightwood's horrified expression, "but the Clave turned me against my own brother. As I said, they are corrupt."

There was a brief silence in which Isabelle did not even try to recollect herself.

"Valentine… Sebastian… great leaders?" she stammered, her eyes wide open with disbelief. This is what was required.

"Sebastian was bias and did associate with demons, but he could have united us with Downworlders," said Clary, nodding her head in approval. Isabelle's eyes widened fractionally, before narrowing.

Before she could begin though, Clary spoke, wanting to avert any suspicion that lingered. "I'm tired of feeling isolated. The Clave has taken all of my family from me, except one. Of course you wouldn't understand Isabelle, you have always been surrounded by your proud family."'

She looked shocked, and possibly slightly hurt. It was obvious that they were friends. She had to be disposed of.

"The Clave has been corrupted Isabelle," Clary said darkly, rising to leave the café, "and I think its time we dealt with it."

Jace knocked urgently on the door. Clary, dressed in a familiar pink sweater and blue jeans, was the one who answered it, her eyes filled with disgust at the sight of him. Jace was well aware of how disheveled he appeared; his blond hair messy, his dirty clothes unwashed, his sunken eyes hollow from sleepless nights of worry. Of course Clary was appalled, and Jace felt mildly embarrassed before realizing that this was not his Clary. She begun to close the door, and Jace, with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, jammed his foot inside just as the door slammed into it. He winced, more from unease than from pain. He wrenched the door open, staring hard at her. Clary looked only slightly surprised, her eyebrows raised.

"Get out," she ordered, folding her arms. For a moment, Jace hesitated. The simple remark had sounded extraordinarily like his Clary. Was it possible she was somehow no longer possessed? Taking his silence as an act of defiance, she repeated herself angrily.

"No," Jace refused. "I love you." He had only spoken the words as a test, to see if Clary was in fact herself again.

"I don't love you, so get out," she replied, exasperated and annoyed. Jace, while feeling an irrevocable twinge of regret, was decided. This was not Clary; she had never said those words before, and he knew that she would most likely never say them. He was filled with a dramatic sense of protectiveness over her, and straightened as he remembered his mission.

"Do you remember your sixteenth birthday Clary?" he asked, hoping to activate a flashback. She seemed to be at war with herself, and Jace knew that the Seelie Queen was trying, without luck, to touch Clary's distant memories.

"Not really, and neither should you," she said, her face becoming as blank as a canvas. She must have decided that she and him did not know each other at the time. Ignoring this flaw in the Queen's plan, Jace continued.

"You don't remember? We were there, in the greenhouse. It was our first kiss. The sprinklers came on and we had to leave," he said, chuckling quietly.

"Jace," Clary said urgently, and he looked up into her face. It was _her. _Her mouth was open in a silent scream, her eyes wide with terror. She ran into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. He held her, and he let himself feel all the emotions that he had so desperately tried to ignore the past few weeks. His hands smoothed her red curls, hugged the small of her back. Jace had gotten through to her, had reached her. He had triggered her, using a memory, just as she had once done with him.

Clary straightened up, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand. She smiled through her tears, but Jace could see the fear beneath. It was understandable; the Seelie Queen had penetrated and controlled her mind, and possession wasn't easy to recover from. She wound her hands tightly around his neck, whispering, "I love you" over and over again through her whimpers. Though for now Jace had reached Clary, he wasn't sure if it would last. She wasn't safe, not yet.


	18. Chapter 18

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XVIII – "Just Another Heart To Break"

Jace and Clary sat on Luke's couch, conversing in hushed tones. Jace was hurriedly explaining what had occurred in the past few weeks, from their sudden break-up to the faerie Court. Clary, however, appeared confused when he mentioned the Seelie Queen. When he called her on it, she looked confused and answered bewilderedly.

"Jace," she said, "the Seelie Queen wasn't the one controlling me."

"Yes, she is." Jace was patient. "She admitted to it in her Court."

"No," she replied stubbornly, her jaw set. Jace could almost see the gears working in her head. "It wasn't her whispering in my head, though she must have been paid greatly for this. The Seelie Queen is covering for someone else, someone who didn't want you to figure him out, someone much more powerful. Sebastian."

~.~

The Institute doorbell rang, and Isabelle could hear Alec taking the elevator down to see the unexpected visitor. Isabelle stepped outside of her untidy bedroom as well, pulling on her thigh-high black boots. She had already been planning to go out; it hadn't seemed right to stay cooped up in the Institute on a sunny day. Kicking Church gently out of the way with the tip of her heel, she continued downstairs, curious to see who was at the door. Surely Alec was at the door now, though she didn't hear any chatter.

Isabelle stepped out of the elevator, who should be standing directly outside of it, but Alec.

"Alec?" she inquired. "Who was it?"

"Clave representative," he replied, smirking. "Wanted to speak to Mom, but I told him she was out. I don't think it was important."

"Well," Isabelle said, waving his answer away, "I'm going out." Whatever Alec said in response was lost as the elevator doors shut and she walked briskly out the front door. Instantly, her demon-hunting senses picked up something. _Vampire. _What was a vampire doing hanging out in front of the Institu–

"Hi," said someone meekly. Isabelle turned to see Simon sitting on the steps. _Alec, _she thought, _Clave representative my ass. You knew I'd come out and see Simon. _

He was dressed in his tacky (in her opinion) 'Made in Brooklyn' shirt and black jeans, but also a stylish designer leather jacket, which Isabelle noted with content that she had picked out for him.

"This is hallowed ground," she said, turning her nose up superiorly and flicking her long hair behind her back with a flourish. There was nothing Downworlders hated more than Nephilim acting superior.

"C'mon Iz…" Simon now stood beside her unnoticed, thanks to his vampire grace.

She walked down the street away from him, her heels clicking _tap-tap-tap _on the pavement. She didn't want to talk to him; he was a weakness for her that she was definitely not willing to exploit again. Isabelle Lightwood had no weaknesses; she was as strong as iron, tough as nails and had enough electrum stuck on her body in varying forms to kill a hundred Downworlders.

"Iz…" Simon was following her, and this, which was no surprise, pleased her.

"Go away Simon," she said firmly, not looking at him. Now _this _she was used to. Many a time boys had trailed her down streets, calling out to her, _begging _her to return to them. But that was not Isabelle. Her heart wasn't for sale; it belonged to her and no one else. Hearts were hers to break.

"Isabelle, I love you." He was in front of her, blocking her path. Just another heart to break, she thought wistfully. But did she really want him to leave? No matter how much she told herself otherwise, Simon was different from the others. She didn't want to admit how much his little episode with Clary had wounded her. She didn't want to admit that she lo– No, she told herself strictly, its just another heart to break.

His hands gripped her shoulders, halting her. "I love you."

"Simon," Isabelle said, hoping her voice didn't radiate the nervous tension that was bottled up inside of her. "I lov–"

"Now isn't this all very touching," said an instantly familiar voice. She could almost hear the smirk in his voice. Thank the Angel, she thought, what had she been about to say? Simon looked irritated as they both turned to see Magnus Bane, leaning against a tree, playing with the blue sparks that were coming out of his fingers.

"Magnus," Isabelle said, hoping the relief wasn't too evident in her voice. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just wondering, before I stumbled upon your sappy episode of _The Love Boat, _if either of you had seen Alec around?"


	19. Chapter 19

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter IXX – "Angry Walls That Were Let Down, Only To Be Built Up Again By Trust"

"Sebastian?" Though Jace was confused, it made sense. The Seelie Queen wasn't supposed to have abnormal faerie powers, and indeed she probably didn't. Also, she had no real reason to harm Clary, other than an old argument. Sebastian, on the other hand, had plenty of reasons to harm both him and her, and would definitely revel in it. Having paid off the Seelie Queen, he had an act to protect anyone tampering with his plan to separate Jace and Clary.

"He wanted you out of the way," Clary said slowly, "so he could get me straight into the heart of the Clave." That seemed about right. Having allies within the Clave would certainly make Sebastian more powerful, especially one with incredible rune abilities. The fierce wave of protectiveness washed over Jace again.

"We have to take you to the Silent Brothers," he said, abruptly standing up. Clary followed suit, wiping her hands on the back of her jeans. She looked acutely nervous. He put his arm around her in a soothing manner, but she pushed him away, hard.

"Wha–" Jace was shocked. Had he done something to offend her? But as he peered at her face, he could see that her eyes were glazed over again, giving her the appearance of someone who looked unfocused.

"Clary?" he asked.

"Get out," she replied angrily. Jace felt frustrated tears sting his eyes. He hadn't really known what else he was expecting. He hadn't gotten to the Silent Brothers in time. Luke had said that he would be watching Clary 24/7, but he was the head of the pack and did have other responsibilities. Jace walked out of the door, not pausing to look back at Clary. He counted this as progress. He had reached Clary, if only for twenty minutes, and had learnt that Sebastian was the mastermind (well he wasn't exactly that bright) and that he planned to corrupt the Clave. Even so, Jace couldn't help feeling a tremendous sense of failure. He should have contacted the Silent Brothers immediately. An angry tear slipped down his cheek, and he furiously wiped it away.

Magnus laughed to himself as he headed towards the Institute, thinking of Isabelle and Simon's little love episode, and was wistfully reminded of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray, those many years ago, and how he had walked in on them in the lair of the enemy. Those were the days…

Magnus wondered if, or when, he would see Tessa again. Warlocks, with their infinite lives stretched before them and behind them, always happened to bump into one another again. She, of course, was a particularly interesting warlock, with her shape-changing abilities, but Magnus missed her personality. And her and Will Herondale! Now _they _were _quite _the couple. Well, he thought, the Herondale boys always did seem to find themselves in the middle of a very deep love, always finding their soul partner and giving their hearts away when they were still young. Magnus was snapped out of his reverie as he rang the doorbell to the Institute, and patiently waited outside.

To his deep dissatisfaction, Maryse was the one who answered the door. Distressingly, her mouth was set in a tight line, and he could clearly see that he had definitely come at the wrong time.

"Magnus," she said, surprised. "What can I help you with?"

"Er…" he began, vaguely uncomfortable. "Is Alec here?" Magnus wouldn't have thought it was possible, but somehow her lips seemed to set even tighter. Always a charming woman, Maryse.

"Alec?" she said, scowling. It was clear she still did not approve of their relationship, or whatever tatters was left of it. "I will get him, though I can't guarantee he will come down." As Maryse shut the door directly in his face, Magnus wondered, not for the first time, why he was here. He couldn't trust Alec, and trust was vital in a relationship. Had Alec not attempted to rid him of his immortality? Still, Magnus could not deny the fact that he was in love with him, possibly as he had never been before. Alec was such an openhearted person, not counting his usual characteristic grumpiness. If Magnus had not forgiven him, why was he here?

The door opened, revealing a surprised, but Magnus could tell, happy Alec. Magnus smiled as he took in the startling combination of black hair and blue eyes, combined with a confused, but joyful, white smile

"Magnus?" he asked inquiringly.

"Alexander." And suddenly they were in a passionate embrace (Magnus' favorite kind); lips moving on one another, Magnus' hands in Alec's silky fine hair, bodies molded around one another. When they eventually broke apart, Alec's hair was adorably tousled and his ocean blue eyes were alight.

"Magnus, I'm so sorry for everything that I did with Camille," he said, his eyes tearing up, making them grow even brighter. "I should have never even considered it and I regret it everyday–"

"I forgive you," Magnus said, cutting him off. He moved his hand to put it on Alec's shoulder, and he didn't protest. "I love you." With those three words seemed to lift a massive weight of his chest, his shoulders.

"I love you too," Alec's eyes spilled over, and Magnus wiped the tears away with his thumb, thankful that his long, green glittering nails didn't scratch his cheek. They held each other for a long time, and in that moment nothing else in the world mattered except for the two of them. They had let their angry walls down and had allowed them to be built up again, but this time by trust.


	20. Chapter 20

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XX – "Committed"

Clary paced in her bedroom anxiously, feeling frustrated as she bit her nails down to bloody stumps. She knew that Lucius Graymark was on the other side, cautiously listening in for any signs of movement as he telephoned different warlocks and other healers for her. Clary knew that she didn't have much time before a Silent Brother rid her of the enchantment; indeed it wasn't too strong of a spell. She knew that her master needed her to remain pliant, in order for their plan to work. Her previous self would definitely become an obstacle in the middle of their plans. However easy it would be to snag a high position on the Clave with her abilities, she knew that she would have to travel to Idris in order to begin the real damage. This was undoubtedly a problem, as she knew that she could not depart to Idris without the help of a Portal (air travel was clearly not an option as she had no money). Clary could not contact Magnus Bane or a Silent Brother, as they were already aware of her situation. Contacting a lesser warlock was also a dangerous option, as he might contact Jocelyn Fairchild or Lucius, which would probably result Clary being put within solitary confinement. Of course, she had tried to touch on her previous self's rune powers, so she might be able to create her own Portal, but so far she had had no such luck.

However, an option did remain; she could contact her master and ask him to assist her. Clary didn't know if this would count as a failure in his eyes, and she did not want to disappoint him. All the same, she was rapidly running out of time and she needed to turn to her final resort.

She loosened her mind; imagining it turning soft in her hands like putty, easy molded into a shape that was fitting to her master. She erased all nervous tension, replacing it with a peaceful tranquility and a blank mind. She shook out her arms and legs, calming her stiff limbs.

_Master! _Clary called out, expecting a reply without delay. He had not abandoned her, she thought confidently. _Master Jonathan! _Again, there was no response. Clary opened her eyes, her relaxed features morphing into a frown, creasing lines above her eyebrows. Why had he not responded? They had communicated through their minds earlier, practicing for the case of an emergency. He had told her that he would reply immediately, no matter the time or situation.

Clary angrily began composing a letter to her master, including the details on why she needed his help and how they didn't have much time. When she was finished, she half-tucked the paper under her pillow and opened her bedroom door to find a glass of water, wondering how on earth she would send the letter to him.

Isabelle took one glance at Simon's surprised, open face, and spun on her heel and continued in the other direction, straight back to the Institute. She wouldn't be able to go anywhere without him trailing her, and he couldn't follow her into the hallowed ground of the Institute. But despite her proud stride, Isabelle was extremely nervous. She had almost said the words to Simon, almost committed herself to him. Her mother had unknowingly taught her that commitment to any man was dangerous.

"Do you love me?" asked Simon behind her, no longer trying to keep up with her. She whirled, looking him directly in the eye. He looked hopeful, his chocolate brown eyes shining with happiness. How did she want to reply to his question? A simple denial would undoubtedly break his heart, and he would not follow her again. Saying yes, however, screamed of commitment and promises. Telling him that she didn't know was a lie; she knew exactly how she felt.

Simon was suddenly in front of her, his optimistic expression wavering.

"I don't know," Isabelle decided that a lie was the best way to handle the situation, but deep down she wondered. Isabelle Lightwood was not afraid of anything, and she didn't need to be scared of love. Simon had once called her a heartbreaker. Did she want to be a heartbreaker for her whole life? Would she never grow old with someone, never be surrounded by her grandchildren?

"Well, Iz, you can just tell me," said Simon, now grim. "You don't have to lead me on." Isabelle hadn't thought about that. She realized that lying to him broke his heart either way, the fast way and the slow way. But the truth was something new to her, and Simon had already hurt her twice. She knew that she had options in life, and chances to take. Was she going to throw this one away?

She took Simon in her arms and kissed him hungrily, and Simon was too surprised to even close his eyes at first. Eventually it turned into what they had been before, and Isabelle felt her admittedly torn soul slowly heal, the pieces of her broken heart coming together as a whole.

"I love you Simon." There, she had said it. She had known all along that long before this moment, she was committed.


	21. Chapter 21

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XXI – "Possessed"

Alec walked hand-in-hand with Magnus away from the Institute, gleeful. Never had he expected that Magnus would forgive him for what he had done, and never did he believe that they would be in a relationship again. Yet, there they were, walking together in a perfect moment. Alec glanced up to see Magnus' face, not expecting it to be devoid of glitter, and right he was. He was covered in a green, shimmery powder from head to toe; brushed on lightly on his cheeks and eyelids, and on the front of his multi-colored jacket and pants. His sparkly head turned to look at Alec, his cat eyes searching his face as just before Alec had done. Magnus smiled, and squeezed their joined hands tighter.

Just before Alec thought the moment couldn't be any more perfect, there he saw Isabelle and Simon at the end of the street, locked in a passionate embrace. Though he wanted to look away, he could not, and was forced to watch the horrible scene. He gagged. Magnus smiled at him, his eyes glittering with happiness as he put a finger to his mouth to silence him. Magnus led Alec light-footed down the pavement until they sat on a bench right in front of them. They eased into a comfortable position and cleared their throats. As already predicted, they broke apart, Isabelle with a most irritable expression and Simon with a look of wonder.

"I think the preferred term is, "get a room"," remarked Magnus, examining his long, sparkly nails. Alec laughed (he had admitted to himself that this was a rare occurrence) as Isabelle scowled profusely. Simon looked all too happy to "get a room", wearing that dazed expression. Alec resisted the urge to gag again.

"I'm sorry, were we interrupting _you_?" Isabelle said furiously. "Because it seems as if we had just walked in _your_ room; you're all over each other." Alec blushed, but Magnus waved the comment away. Isabelle turned to Simon and they continued where they left off, but it was definitely harder and grosser to view up close, in Alec's opinion.

Jace walked, for the thousandth time this week, to Clary's door and knocked on it, extremely irritated. He had had a bit of a run in with some pesky faeries in Taki's, and had had to set them straight. He believed faeries were nasty things, especially _male _faeries. The door opened to a tired, worn out Luke. Jace could see that his clothes were crumpled from lying on the couch and there was a mark on his hand where his phone must have been.

"How is she?" Jace asked as Luke let him inside.

"She's been the same, but more…" he struggled to look for words, "anxious." This comment bothered him; Clary was clearly planning something. Nervously, Jace walked into her room, expecting to find Clary. Instead, he found it empty, and extremely tidy. Clary was not necessarily the neatest person, Jace thought truthfully, yet the room was as spotless and organized as his own. The hairs on the back of Jace's neck stood straight. How would he save her?

Jace looked around Clary's bedroom, searching for evidence on the possessor's plan. He checked in corners and underneath surfaces, but there wasn't a trace of a clue. Irritated, Jace sat on Clary's bed, waiting for her to return from wherever she was in the house. But as Jace lay back, he noticed a letter half-tucked under one of her pillows. Curious, he opened it, not respecting the possessed-Clary's privacy. Jace quickly skimmed the note, and within seconds he had put the note in Luke's hands. Luke's grim expression quickly transformed into anxiety.

"Sebastian?" Luke inquired, distraught.

"She tried to contact him," he replied, "probably in attempt to join forces and make a plan." Luke was silent, brooding.

"We can't let her out of our sight," Luke concluded. "We will get a Silent Brother in here immediately." At that precise moment Clary walked into the room, her eyes wide and afraid as she eyed the note in their hands. Jace watched as she calculated a split-second decision and ran for the door.

Author's note: Hey everybody! I know this is a big ask, but as readers of my Fanfiction, I would love you all to have a glimpse of the real me! Please take a look at my YouTube channel. I promise you that you won't be disappointed if you're a Mortal Instruments fan and enjoy book hauls and TMI clothing hauls! Would absolutely mean the world to me! channel/UCGBBz36sLX-qIb0Tu6W7Q7w?feature=watch or watch?v=VNSLQVLE9NM


	22. Chapter 22

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XXII – "Constant Cruelties"

Clary sprinted for the door; her eyes wide open with panic. Luke effortlessly cut off her path, putting a firm, but calming, hand on her shoulder. Jace was there also, searching her face for a sign of the fiery, redheaded girl he loved. He winced, as he found no trace of a clue of her in the possessed face. It was cruel, he thought; how he was constantly the victim of the world's games. Regular couples had difficulties occasionally. Jace and Clary had always had obstacles of catastrophic calamities between them. It was as if the world was dealing its worst set of cards, trying its hardest to keep them away from each other. A giant fissure was created in the earth between the two of them, each misfortune separating them further. And as the gap grew bigger, so did the fracture in his own heart. There was always a liar to aid this cause; Valentines' lie, Sebastian's lie, Jace's own untruthful self, which gazed back at him in the mirror. It was as if the Angel Raziel himself was throwing Jace and Clary's trusting personalities back in their faces, along with several traitors for good luck. Would these hardships ever end?

Jace ceased to think of the brilliant tangle of unorganized thoughts swirling in his head. Complicated wordplay and sarcasm had always been his own personal form of expression; people often chose the artistic interpretation of thoughts, or the physical endurance that applied to some. Jace had used both of the above options to bear the weight of his hard life filled with despair, but primarily the wordplay. A sick part of him liked to distribute hidden insults, just as his own life had been dealt constant cruelties. As he scrutinized Clary's blank face, he finally felt the overwhelming weight crush him, this new cruelty forcing him into a dark place. A tear escaped his eye for the second time in the year because of Clary, though in completely different ways. This one time, Jace wasn't embarrassed to show his vulnerability in front of Luke.

He brushed a curl away from Clary's face, and pretended not to see her flinch. He continued to search her eyes, pleading with them, and he could feel his lips shaping her name.

"Clary," he said, carefully, "I know you're in there. I love you." Another tear fell angrily from his eye, just as an angel fell in anguish from Heaven. "I love you, I love you, I love you…" He repeated the words over and over, sobbing uncontrollably, knowing that the statement would never become false, no matter the cruelties, no matter the obstacles. He didn't care that what he was saying was in vain, that she would never truly hear the words. He would always say them for her. He wrapped his arms around her small shoulders, hugging her to him, burying his face in her hair, and drenching it in tears. For the moment, Luke wasn't there, the house wasn't there; it was only the two of them in the entire world. The earth had paused its axis and decided to rotate entirely around them. Spotlights centered on them. Jace was tired, tired of the problems. _Congratulations!_ He wanted to scream. _Congratulations! You won. The world has finally broken me. _Jace crushed Clary in his embrace, not wanting to think about how hard she must have wanted to push him away from her, how her green eyes must have danced with disgust. He patted the back of her head, smoothing down her curls on to her neck. He knew he should be strong, but he didn't want to be. The definition of strong now seemed to be just a show for other people, assuring them that you were fine when you weren't. His back shuddered as he cried, shaking him and her both. He wondered why she hadn't pushed him away yet, and vaguely wondered if he was somehow forcing her hands to her sides. But a moment later he realized he wasn't, for her small hands were now rubbing small circles on his back.

"Jace." Clary said lovingly, without malice or vengefulness.


	23. Chapter 23

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter XXIII – "I Can Protect Myself"

"Jace." He stopped crushing her to him, and released her slightly. He now held her gently. She could still feel the wetness of Jace's tears on her shoulder, and she had no doubts that his T-shirt was soaked with her own tears. But suddenly he straightened, grabbing her arm and hauling her out of the door, his golden eyes never once leaving her face.

"Jace?" Clary asked trustingly, though she was confused.

"I have to take you to the Silent Brothers," he replied, his voice far away. _I have to take you. _Clary felt a little pang go through her. He spoke the words like she was a disease or even possibly a threat. But surely Jace didn't really think that…hadn't he just been the one crying on to her sweater? Jace must have seen something in her face change, for his eyes softened past the liquid point, though he didn't stop dragging her down the street.

"Clary," he said quietly, "I just need you to be safe." Despite the situation, this comment somehow provoked Clary and she fired up furiously.

"Jace!" she said angrily, stopping in her tracks despite the hard pull on her arm. "I thought we were past the point in our relationship when he stopped trying to protect each other. You know you don't have to protect me like I'm your little sister!" Clary felt sorry as soon as she'd said the words, and she watched Jace's expression change into hurt. She knew she had gone overboard with the sister comment; that was a sore spot for both of them.

"Clary," he said softly. "I know you can fend for yourself, I wasn't trying to imply anything else. But you know the Silent Brothers have protections–"

"I know, I'm sorry I said that," she interrupted wearily. "I didn't mean any of it and I shouldn't have said it to you. I guess I'm just letting out some of my anger for Sebastian for what he did to me." Clary squeezed Jace's hand comfortingly and allowed him to continue to lead her to towards the Silent City.

"And for what he might do to you again," said Jace worryingly. "I got through to you again, but we don't know how long this is going to last." Clary nodded, understanding. They picked up their pace and starting to run, and before long they were standing in the field in front of the Silent City. The motto _facilis descensus Averno _(the descent into Hell is easy) seemed to mock her as they neared the entryway. She knew that a Silent Brother would appear soon to guide them. Suddenly, she halted.

"Clary," Jace said, attempting to tug her along. "We can't afford to stop now." Clary didn't reply; she was focusing on the floating rune glowing in her mind.

"Jace, give me a stele!" He handed her one, and she could tell he understood what she was about to do. Clary was giddy; the rune was full of positive energy. It spoke to her of warding and protection against evil spirits. She traced it carefully onto her forearm, barely noticing the sting of the stele. Finished, she held her arm up to Jace and watched him relax. Clary suddenly doubted herself. Did the rune work? The other runes she had created before always had. But Sebastian was powerful… Brother Zachariah appeared in front of them, his eyes immediately moving to Clary's rune. _Another created rune. This will protect you infinitely against the enemy's powerful magic. You will not be able to be harmed by possession or demonic influence again, Clarissa. However, we will continue to bring you to the Silent City to perform some extra protection spells, to completely ensure this will not occur again. _

Both Jace and Clary exhaled in relief. The rune would do its job. Jace pulled her into a quick embrace before they embarked on the descent of steps.

"You're safe now Clary," he whispered. "You're safe."


	24. Chapter 24

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 24 – "I Must Really Love You"

"No don't move!" ordered Clary, giggling. "Jace!"  
"All right, all right," he surrendered, taking up residence on Clary's bed, his head on one of her pillows. Clary was on the floor, sketching him into her notebook. The sun was catching her hair nicely, making it seem as though her hair was on fire. She was biting her lip and furrowing her brow in concentration, her eyes flicking up to him every now and then to spot a detail she'd missed, a shadow she'd forgotten to draw in. Jace wanted to wrap his arms around her, but he refrained himself. Clary would just put him back on the bed and yell at him to lie still.

"I'm nearly done," she announced, starting to move her pencil more quickly. Now that she was safe, Jace had been able to relax. Every fight that they'd had in the past few weeks had been demonic influence, pushing them farther apart. He knew that what Clary had done with Simon hadn't been out of love, hadn't really even been her. Jace suspected that Sebastian particularly loved that part of his little game. Jace was sure that they trusted and believed in one another whole-heartedly, and that nothing could drag them apart now. Every night, Jace thanked the Angel for the rune she had created, for he didn't know where they would both be without it.

"Finished," Clary told him excitedly. She closed her notebook with a snap and tucked her knees under her chin, looking at him with expectant eyes.

"Can I see it?" Jace inquired. Clary debated with herself for a moment then handed the book to him. He flicked it open to the page of him and stared at it in amazement. It looked exactly like him, not a hair out of place.

"Do you like it?" Clary asked doubtfully.

"You're excellent," he said, stunned. "It looks just like me."

"Of course, the real thing is better," she replied, pulling him into a kiss. She tasted warm, like sunlight and happiness. Jace put his hands in her hair, relishing the moment when he smoothed down the curls. Clary made a pleased noise, and in return put her arms around his neck and…the door opened. They leapt off one another, sitting on opposite sides of the bed.

"I see," Luke said, his eyebrow raised sky high. Clary blushed a very deep red, and Jace suspected his own face was the color of a very ripe tomato. "Well, all I was going to ask was if either of you wanted anything to eat but…" He trailed off.

"Uh…um…we were just…" Clary stammered painfully, slowly turning an even darker shade of red.

"We were just going out," Jace picked up smoothly, grabbing Clary's hand and towing her out the door, not pausing to look at Luke lest Jace grew any more embarrassed.

"You're pretty good at this you know."

"Dungeons and dragons?" said Simon, grinning. "Oh, I know."

"Shut up," said Isabelle, without malice. She continued to kiss him fiercely; her hands bunching up his shirt and legs wrapped around his hips.

"I'm hungry," Isabelle stated, climbing off him. "C'mon, you can buy me some food." She patted her hair down, even though, miraculously, there wasn't a hair out of place. She straightened her dress and then gave him a hand and pulled him up. Isabelle kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door, not pausing to look back to see if he would follow, knowing that he already would.

"I'm not sure about this."

"Alec, it will be the night of the year!" Magnus said, rubbing his hands together excitedly which, incidentally, caused glitter to fly off his hands.

"A party? With my sister and her boyfriend?" Alec stated, though Magnus knew that Alec already sensed he was losing the argument.

"Just because Isabelle and Simon are there? That's not a lack of allure!" Magnus exclaimed. "They can go off in a corner and…"

"No no NO!" Alec said, covering his ears. "I've heard enough!"

"I take that as a surrender?" asked Magnus, smiling.

"Fine, fine. A party." Said Alec grumpily, then breaking into a shy smile. "I must really love you."

Magnus wrapped his arms around him. "You must."


	25. Chapter 25

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 25 – "A Party Gone Wrong"

Jace lounged in one of Magnus' ridiculous sofas, put there especially for the event. He wondered when the party was actually going to start. He'd been sitting there for little over an hour, while Alec and Magnus talked loudly in the corner about details. He was watching Isabelle slink over to him in a long purple dress with a plunging neckline. She sunk into the couch beside him and Jace waited for the complaints to begin.

"You don't really think that what happened between Simon and Clary…" Isabelle asked, looking anxious.

"No, no," Jace assured her. This had been what she was worrying about? They were ancient history, and the rest had been Sebastian's fault.

"It's just that sometimes I feel they still have feelings for one another," she dug, her dark eyes expectant. Jace's knuckles tightened but he shrugged it off. He knew that Clary loved him. She wasn't a liar.

"Clary doesn't have feelings for Simon," he clarified. "And I'm pretty sure the bloodsucker doesn't like her anymore either."

"I'm just saying," Isabelle prodded, placing her hands in her lap. "Maybe Clary was under demonic influence, but Simon sure wasn't." Jace hesitated. He hadn't thought about this before.

"Well, that's not my problem," he said, standing up as he finally saw guests enter the room.

Isabelle's eyes raked her up and down, evaluating her simple appearance. Clary was mildly ashamed to not have worn more jewelry for the event; the Morgenstern ring was all that hung from her neck and wrists. Harshly, Isabelle pulled her gaze from Clary, looking disgusted; giving the raw feel that occurs when one pulls off a Band-Aid. Clary felt the blood rush to her face, and hoped she didn't look like she'd applied too much blush. She felt slightly scolded from Isabelle's evaluation. Clary didn't know what she'd done to arouse such a sudden cruelty in the other girl. She still couldn't possibly be mad what had happened with her and Simon? Clary brushed the thought away like dust on a windowsill; she didn't have time to worry over Isabelle's reaction. She was looking for Jace. Had he decided not to come after all? Clary tried to hide her disappointment. She had been looking forward to the night, and had even picked out a dress for the occasion. It was a short and green thing; something that hugged what little curves she had and brought out the color in her eyes, which successfully brought the attention away from her freckles. Without Jace, she was pretty much alone at the party. Simon had decided not to come and for some unknown reason Isabelle was mad at her. Clary sighed and considered going home. She grabbed her jacket from the glittering countertop and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," Clary replied, before realizing who had asked the question. She spun around and grinned at Jace.

"I thought you decided not to come," Clary said, still smiling. Jace was wearing his typical Shadowhunting gear, but still looked as handsome as ever.

"Want to dance?" he asked, eyes glittering as he held his hand out to her.  
"You know I can't dance…" Clary took his hand and was eerily reminded of the night where they had danced at the club with Sebastian. Shaking the thoughts away, she allowed Jace to lead her to the dance floor that had magically appeared in the center of Magnus' apartment.

"Clary," began Jace, looking troubled, "I wanted to ask you about–" Clary's phone rang, cutting him off midsentence.

"Sorry," Clary said, glancing at the screen. "It's Simon." Jace nodded, as if she had just confirmed something. She answered the call in a quieter corner, watching Jace worriedly.

"Hey," Clary spoke into the receiver. "I'm just at Magnus'. Why aren't you here?"

A muffled noise greeted her from the other end.  
"Simon?" she asked warily. "Are you alright? That sounded like a crash."

"Clary," Simon sounded bone-tired. "They're here, Clary." The call disconnected, but Simon called back immediately.

"Simon!" Clary said, panicking. "Who's there? Where are you?" The muffled noises continued on the phone, and she could hear Simon panting.

"I love you Clary," he said. Call disconnected.


	26. Chapter 26

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 26

Clary had grabbed her coat and had raced out of Magnus' apartment within a number of seconds. She was stumbling around in the cold, terrified and confused. She had no idea where Simon was, hadn't the slightest hint of his location. He could be at home, she thought, but why would he decide to skip the party just to stay home? Clary wondered if Simon had ever actually told Isabelle he wasn't coming to the party, or if he had said he would come and just hadn't turned up without explanation. Realizing this, Clary ran down the street, turning corners as she traced the route from Magnus to Simon's house. Hearing quiet footsteps behind her, she recognized the familiar footfall of Jace following her. She didn't pause to turn back as she continued to run against the chilling wind.

"C'mon Simon! Where are you?" They were only a few blocks away from his house now, and still there was no sign of him. Clary had been sure that Simon would be in between his own house and Magnus' apartment, but so far she had had no luck.

"Clary!" Jace called out from beside her. "There!" She whipped her head around in his direction and saw what he was pointing at. She almost cried out in relief before she realized that he was pointing at Simon, and that an army of Forsaken surrounded him.

Isabelle was grumpy. An insistent vampire was desperately trying to hold her attention, but she really wasn't in the mood. Though she didn't want to admit it, Magnus' party was exceedingly dull without Simon there with her. He hadn't arrived yet, though he had said that he was coming, and with a belated dawning realization she finally understood that he had stood her up. Shocked, Isabelle angrily pushed the irritating vampire out of her way and sat on a stool in front of counter advertising a wide array of drinks, coming in every color imaginable. Had Simon really stood her up? Isabelle realized that he really wasn't boyfriend material. He had already cheated on her twice, but standing her up? These sorts of things just didn't _happen _with Isabelle Lightwood, and she had always supposed that if they did, she wouldn't care. That's what primarily got under her skin in this situation. She shouldn't _care _about this, about him. Since when had a stupid Downworlder ever meant much more to her than a silly distraction? Isabelle cursed herself silently. She had allowed herself to grow attached to him, to care about his feelings and how he affected her feelings. For him to take advantage of that was _not cool. _

Isabelle stood up abruptly, not bothering to smooth down her dress as she left the party and uncoiled her electrum whip. She was going to talk to Simon and break it off. Standing her up was unacceptable, and he needed to know that.

Alec stirred his bright orange drink with a long stick topped off with a glittering hot pink feather (which was undoubtedly Magnus' personal touch) and watched Magnus dance and chat with a friendly djinn and a curious looking werewolf. Both were completely engrossed in whatever his boyfriend was saying, the djinn especially; her eyes watched his every movement. Knowing that they were probably flirting, Alec decided to use this as an excuse to get up from his lonely position at one of the three drinks stalls, and make his way over to the trio.

"Hey," said Alec, putting his arm around Magnus and glancing at the others. Magnus looked at him questioningly and Alec knew he had a right to; he knew he wasn't usually so forward and…friendly.

"So I don't know any of you…" Alec began, assuming the air of a very social and openhearted person. Magnus continued to look confused as he hurried to make introductions.

"I'm Alec," he said, "Magnus' _boyfriend._" He put a lot of emphasis on the last word, just to get the point across to the djinn, who now looked as though she had just swallowed something extremely sour.

"Pleasure," replied the djinn, drawling just long enough so it sounded offensive. The werewolf, Yurif, looked bored and took the sudden silence as an opportunity to wander off and converse with another bubbly looking female werewolf. Magnus rubbed his hands together, obviously uncomfortable. Alec felt a pang; he hadn't meant to upset him. But just as Alec opened his mouth to make amends with the djinn, she took a step closer to Magnus and sprawled her green-tinged hand across his chest. Magnus raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Let me know," she said, speaking softly into Magnus' ear, "if you ever want more…illustrious company." She pushed Alec's arm away and pressed her body to Magnus' one more time before tucking a card into his chest pocket and walking away. Magnus dropped a glittery wink in her direction. Completely outraged, Alec stepped away from him, his mouth hanging open.

"_What the hell _was that?" Magnus looked surprised, as if just noticing Alec for the first time.

"What was what?" He asked, looking confused.

"What was what?" repeated Alec, incredulous. "You just completely flirted with her!"

"That was simply friendly conversation," Magnus grinned, not a trace of regret in his sparkling smile.

"Friendly conversation?" Alec echoed angrily. "You were close enough to…" He broke off, stammering and blushing.

"Djinns and their games," remarked Magnus, looking dreamy.

"Well I'm not going to stand here watching you flirt with everyone in the room," Alec announced furiously. "I'm going home."

"SIMON!" Clary screamed it loud enough that the crowd of Forsaken turned their way. Jace muttered something, and she watched a blade light up. He handed her it, and then proceeded to bring out his phone.

"We need backup," he spoke into the receiver. Clary could hear angry chattering on the other end, and recognized it as Alec. "Forsaken, 15th. Yeah you heard me. Forsaken." He clicked off as Clary started to run towards Simon. He grabbed her arm, yanking her back. She gave him a wild look.

"But Simon!" she screamed, tugging on his arm. Jace's face was giddy but guarded, and she saw that he was wearing his "excited for battle" face, the very one that had always captivated her.

"We can't take on six Forsaken on our own Clary," he stated, as if this were obvious. "We at least need Alec and Isabelle." She broke out of his hold, staring at Simon. The Forsaken were now completely surrounding him, and Clary knew that he couldn't dodge their blows for much longer.

"You have to hold them off!" She yelled, running until she was only a few feet away from the Forsaken.

"Clary–"

"Jace, please!" He no longer paused to deliberate, lightly springing onto a Forsaken's feral back, and she watched as he punctured its heart with his blade. It fell, and Clary watched with horror as Jace was crushed beneath it. But he wasn't underneath it, he was already attacking the next Forsaken, jabbing his seraph blade swiftly. For now, their attention was off Simon and focused on Jace. Clary ran to Simon, wrapping her arms around him and towed him out of the circle of the Forsaken. She hurriedly took in his condition. She could tell it was taking all of his strength just to stay conscious, and even so he was barely awake He was badly wounded; his arm was spouting blood like a faucet, his face was scratched and bruised, he had a black eye and his arms and legs were covered in cuts and grazes, Clary suspected one of his arms was broken; it was twisted in an unnatural way.

"Simon!" she said, tears running down her face. "Can you hear me?" He made no reaction to her statement, and he made no movements that could show that he had heard her. His half-shut eyes were cloudy and seemed to be staring right through her, and he was twitching uncontrollably.

"Simon," she whispered gently, pushing his hair, matted with blood, away from his forehead. "It's going to be alright." She quickly turned to check on Jace, and saw that both Alec and Isabelle were now helping him, and that half of the Forsaken were dead. Isabelle's eyes kept flicking to Simon worriedly. Clary turned back to Simon; she knew that the three of them could handle the Forsaken easily; it was Simon she was worried for. She didn't know what to do. Runes couldn't be drawn on vampires; they healed themselves. Clary could see that Simon clearly wasn't healing fast enough. That was when Clary noticed the deep wound in Simon's chest. She let out a sob. She could see that the stab had gotten the heart and the wound was bleeding profusely. _Vampires healed themselves_, she repeated. Simon was going to be all right, he was. The only way vampires could die was from loss of blood. Clary tried to stop some of the bleeding with her hands, but she could tell it was in vain. His eyes were closed, but they were fluttering. That was when she noticed the giant shadow looming in front of her. Pulling Simon forward, they narrowly missed the Forsaken's hit. It raised its club again and Clary held Simon tightly and buried her head in his bloody chest, bracing herself for their immediate death. When the blow didn't come, Clary looked up to see Jace battling the Forsaken with Alec. Clary noticed that it was clearly stronger than the others as he swatted the two of them out of the way with back of his hand. Jace and Alec landed in a heap on the ground. Focusing on her and Simon, it reached towards them, and a moment later he held them both, Simon in one hand and Clary in the other. Clary was terrified as she stared into the small black eyes of the Forsaken. It regarded her with nothing less than completely hatred. She tried to kick and punch it till he let them go, but it was pressing her limbs too hard to her body. Then she was falling, still in its grip. She hit the ground, hard. Clary had to close her eyes and take big breaths before she opened her eyes; the fall had winded her. She struggled in the Forsaken's grip, before realizing that someone had cut its hand off, and that she was only captured in a hand. She wriggled out of its grasp; its grip was much less tighter than before. Struggling to stand up, she took in the scene. The Forsaken was dead, as well as all the others, resulting in a gory landscape filled with rotting bodies. Jace was hurrying towards her, his face all worry. She looked past him at the limp body on the ground. _Simon. _She ran to him and knelt on the ground next to Simon, where Isabelle already was, her face smeared with dirt, blood and tears.

"Simon I love you," she heard Isabelle say quietly. Clary whirled on Alec.

"Don't just stand there!" Clary yelled at him. Alec looked taken aback, and she watched as the hurt registered on his face.

"Do something! _Do anything!" _She screamed. "Can't you see he's hurt? Do something!" Clary sobbed uncontrollably into Simon's T-shirt.

"By the ANGEL Clary!" Isabelle screamed at her, which brought her back to reality. "There is nothing Alec can do! There is nothing _anyone can do!_" Clary had never seen the usually composed and haughty Isabelle so heartbroken and sad.

"What do you mean there's nothing no one can do? Call a Silent Brother!"

"You're so _stupid!" _Isabelle yelled back. "The Silent Brothers are only healers for Nephilim!"

"Vampires heal themselves don't they? Let him rest!" Alec put in.

Then Clary understood.

"He's drained of blood," Clary said quietly, looking up for the first time.

"Then let him drink my blood!" exclaimed Jace, looking as pale as a sheet. "Its not the first time this has happened." He knelt on the other side of Simon, pulling him up to his neck.

"Drink it!" Jace said. But Simon didn't drink it. Simon didn't move.

"Drink it!" Jace repeated. He lay Simon back down. The last half an hour replayed in her head. _I love you Clary. _She winced, and tears streamed down her face in a torrent. _They're here! Clary they're here! _Simon, who had walked her to school everyday. Simon, who had pitched her countless band names, honestly wondering what her opinion on each and every one of them. Simon, who had been her rock that she held on to both in the mundane world and the Shadow world. They say that your whole life flashes before your eyes when you die, and Simon's life was flashing before Clary's eyes, torturing her with images that brought her near to madness.

_They're here, Clary._

"Simon, no!"

_They're here._

"Someone do something! Don't just stand there!"  
_ I love you Clary. _

"Simon! Open your eyes. Please. Don't leave me!"

_I love you Clary._

"Please wake up!" 


	27. Chapter 27

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 27 – "Survivor's Guilt"

"Did you call Raphael?"

"Yeah, he is outside right now with Luke."

"Clary? Do you want anything to eat?

"Clary? Can I get you anything?" Voices swirled around Clary's head in an aimless whirlpool. Conversation faded in and out; Clary found it hard to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes. She assumed Jace was standing in front of her, asking if she needed anything. She couldn't see anything. She couldn't hear anything.

"Clary, I love you." She could feel Jace stroke the back of her hand.

_I love you, Clary. _He had said. _Simon? Where are you? _She flinched back, her unseeing eyes raining tears like a thunderstorm. Blinking rapidly, the library gradually came into view, its spiraling staircases seeming to lead to the sky. Clary remembered Hodge walking down those stairs. It was almost funny, she thought, how many people she had lost in the past year. The depressing thought snapped her back to attention.

"Where is Simon?" she asked Alec loudly, hoping her face betrayed none of her fear. He looked uncomfortable.

"We don't…we don't think he made it," Alec stated miserably, avoiding Clary's horrified stare. Clary decided to ignore this comment entirely.

"Well this is a research library isn't it?" she said, whirling on Jace. "Didn't you find anything about healing vampires?"

"We've been searching all day and night, Clary," Jace said wearily, his golden eyes holding hers. She looked away. What had happened to Simon was her fault; she should have kept a better eye on him. She should have stopped the bleeding, before it was too late.

Luke burst into the library, looking upset. He exchanged eye contact with Jace and Alec, silently telling them the bad news.

"What?" Clary couldn't help screaming. Luke looked apologetic, in fact, they all did. Why should _they _act sorry? It was her fault, after all. Simon was…absent because of her!

"Simon's dead!" someone screamed. Isabelle came into view, looking wild. Her usually plaited hair was a bird's nest, she was wearing gray, baggy pajamas and she was bare foot. Her eyes were crazy; they were constantly darting around the room as if something were chasing her. "He's _dead, _and there's nothing any of us can do to solve it!"

"Isabelle," Alec said softly. For once, Jace had nothing to say.

"What? _What? _Are you going to tell me that I'm supposed to hide this from Clary?" Isabelle was incredulous, and she was laughing hysterically. Clary pressed her lips into a firm line, holding back horrible insults. "She has a _right _to know, Alec! That Simon's dead! That Simon's _gone._" She passed out a moment later on the ground, a pile of gray and black. Clary could hear someone screaming, but it sounded distant and far away, though Clary knew she was the one screaming.

~…~

Clary sat suddenly upright. She had blacked out. She remembered a lot of screaming and Isabelle…

"Oh god," she said, rubbing her aching temples. The blood had rushed to her head when she had sat up. Slowly, Clary understood her bearings; she was in one of the spare rooms that littered the Institute. Someone must have put her there when she passed out. Feeling eyes on her, Clary realized that Jace was sitting in an armchair in the corner, his blonde hair tussled and his golden eyes exhausted. Clary wondered what she looked like, and then realized that she didn't care.

"Clary?" The way Jace said her name asked a hundred different questions. Are you all right? How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?

Clary didn't reply, and instead lied back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was dry from old age, and in her mind, the cracks made pictures. She made out an eye, watching her from above, like an angel scolding her for what she had done. She imagined lightning bolts striking her down from Heaven, searching for the one who had killed an innocent boy. Of course, Simon hadn't really been a boy. Within the last year, he had become a man after being pushed through hard experiences, or maybe just thanks to Sexy Vampire Mojo. Clary smiled a little, then stopped. Those thoughts were too painful to think. But she couldn't push them away; somehow they just kept filing into her head, torturing her. She remembered climbing up the apple trees on Luke's farm when they were young, always yelling "_higher! Higher, Simon!_" scampering up the branches till they got to the highest bough. Clary and him had sat together on the widest branch, their backs against the trunk and their hands intertwined. They had spoke of how boring their lives were, and what they could do to make them more interesting. They had prepared pranks on her mother, their voices getting higher with excitement as their plans grew more elaborate. Tired, they would hop down from their spot, making their way towards the house and collapsing on Clary's bed, reading their new volumes of manga. Clary savored the moment in her mind. She didn't want to forget a time that had been so perfect. She didn't cry, she didn't move. She only kept her eyes shut, enjoying the pureness. That's when she felt Jace's hand cover hers. Clary opened her eyes wide, and shrank back, dragging her hand out of his grasp. Looking wounded, Jace sat back, away from her. Clary was surprised he didn't understand the routine yet. This was her penance, her punishment for what she had done. How could she even look at Jace again? How could he stand look at her, knowing what she had done?

"It's not your fault." Surprised, Clary looked at Jace. He _did _understand the routine. "You didn't kill Simon."  
"Yes I did!" Clary couldn't resist. She still couldn't believe the enormousness of it all.

"First of all, I was his best friend…" she trailed off and winced. She had been using the wrong tense. "I _am _his best friend. I should have kept a better eye on him!" Jace started to interrupt, but Clary continued to talk.

"Second, _I didn't save him." _Clary choked back a sob. "I didn't stop the bleeding, I didn't let him drink my blood, and I didn't heal his wounds. What kind of a best friend doesn't help? I'm guilty on _all _accounts Jace!"

"How could you have known where he was?" Jace almost yelled. She knew that he was trying to smack some sense with her with his force of words, but sense wasn't available at that precise moment. "He was a human, not a dog! You couldn't have kept a better eye on him than you already were. He didn't need a babysitter! And the truth was, you couldn't have stopped the bleeding at that point, Clary. He was already too far gone." Jace's voice was soft now, and he looked at her, a thousand apologies in his eyes. Clary said nothing. There was nothing _to _say. Deep down, she knew Jace was right and that what she was feeling was survivor's guilt. But how could she not feel guilty? Maybe she was a Shadowhunter, and he had been a vampire, but they were closer than friends. A piece of her was missing, more than that, an entire half of her was lost forever when Simon died. Alec said that what he had felt when Jace had briefly died in Idris had been complete agony, like a tie between them had been severed. Clary remembered Sebastian howling in pain when she had destroyed the bond between him and Jace with the sword of heavenly fire. Maybe the ceremony wasn't ever performed on them, but in their own way, Clary and Simon had been _parabatai._


	28. Chapter 28

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 28

Isabelle was suffocated in a pile of her own complete disgusting-ness. Her room had been transformed over the last week from a glittering paradise to a rubbish dump. Food was strewn around her bed, empty wrappers creating groups. Isabelle was surprised she hadn't attracted any rodents or bugs yet. Dirty laundry was scattered around the room. She didn't even want to look in the mirror. Isabelle hadn't left her room in the last week for anything. Alec and the occasional Maryse dropped food off to her door. She knew this wouldn't last forever. She knew that at some point she had to stop avoiding people and routine, had to stop avoiding life. But she couldn't help it. What was life without Simon anyway? She would never again see him sitting in a café, waiting for her. She would never catch him walking down the street in one of his geeky one-sentence shirts that he loved, and laughing his laugh that she loved. They would never share another kiss; she would never again look into his chocolate brown eyes. Isabelle broke off from her thoughts, dry-heaving the painful memories away.

Finished, she lied back down on her dirty bed, allowing herself to be scalded with the boiling water of torture. Simon had had no funeral; Luke had been worried that Raphael or another vampire clan would dig him up and cut him open to examine his "daylighter blood". The thought nearly made Isabelle sick again. Instead, Simon had been burned, _cremated _as the mundanes say it. She thought burning your dead was a horrible way to end up, and everyone else agreed, but in the end, none of them wanted the alternative.

Isabelle heard a polite knock on the door. Startled out of her reverie, she could barely spit out "come in". She expected to see Alec or Jace standing in the doorway, helping her out of the mess and back into her life. Instead, Clary stepped into her room, looking timid. The timid-ness vanished entirely when she took in the state of her room, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Wow." She said.

"Wow's right," Isabelle agreed. Surprisingly enough, she found that she was happy to see Clary. After Simon's death, Isabelle had decided to never again talk to or see Clary. Isabelle had thought that she would bring up memories of Simon, but in truth, she didn't. She just reminded Isabelle of herself, of the Clary that she was glad to see. Clary trudged through the mess and swept Isabelle into a fierce hug, making her even more surprised than she already was. Could the day get any weirder?  
Releasing her, Clary sat down on the bed beside her.

"I suppose you're here to help me get back into routine?" Isabelle asked, genuinely curious. Clary grinned, but Isabelle could see the sadness behind it, the cracks in her foundation (though Isabelle realized, with a "hmph", that Clary wasn't _wearing _foundation).

"Yes, but there's more fun!" Clary said sarcastically, before slipping back into a sober sort of sadness. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to…to Simon's house. Some has to break it to his mum."

"No."

"No?" Clary was shocked. Clearly, she hadn't been expecting this response.

"I don't think I can handle it," Isabelle admitted. Clary, at this, looked angry.

"And you think that I can?" she asked furiously. "I asked you because I thought you'd want to come, for Simon, for his family. But I was wrong! Of course, Isabelle Lightwood only does things for herself." She stomped out of the room, leaving a trail of dirty laundry in her wake.  
"Clary, wait!" Isabelle chased after her, leaving her room and stepping into the corridor for her first time in a week. Clary spun around to look at her, her nostrils flaring. Isabelle noticed that she had bags under her eyes. She hadn't been sleeping either.

"I'll come."

"Not like that you wont," Clary said, but she was smiling gratefully.

~~…~~

Clary and Isabelle stared in horror at the door decorated with religious symbols. Stars of David were painted on every square inch of the door and a big one was plopped right on the doorknob. Clary knocked politely. In truth, she wasn't feeling very polite at the moment. Simon's mom answered the door, one hand holding a knife behind her and the other still on the doorknob, obviously prepared to close it quickly if necessary. Was this really how she reacted every time someone knocked on her door?

"Hello Ms. Lewis." Clary was surprised to hear such courtesy from Isabelle. She realized with a jolt that Isabelle was meeting her boyfriend's mum for the first time.

"Who are you?" Simon's mum stared at Isabelle, then turned quickly to Clary.

"Clary," Ms. Lewis said, nodding her dead. She was obviously debating whether or not she liked Clary at the moment.

"Please, we have some bad news," said Clary sadly. "Could we please come in?" Clary had obviously chosen the wrong words. Ms. Lewis tensed up and looked as if she were about to shut the door in their faces.

"You don't understand!" Simon's mum said crazily. "My son has been replaced with a monster!" Within a second, Isabelle had disarmed Ms. Lewis and was now pressing the tip of the knife lightly on her throat.

"Did you hear Clary? Let us in." Ms. Lewis fumbled with the doorknob, and opened the door wide for them. Once they were seated at the coffee table in the living room, Clary started to cry. She had so many pleasant memories from his home, and they were all rushing back to her at once. Ms. Lewis, obviously startled by Clary's tears, looked uncomfortable.

"Clary? What's wrong?" Simon's mum asked, shifting in her seat.

"Simon…" Clary choked through the tears. "Your son is dead." Ms. Lewis acted like this was no surprise to her. What she understood was that Simon had been killed and turned into a monster.

"You don't understand." Clary said, sobbing. "You'll never see him again. He's never coming back."  
"I already knew that. The monster killed him, and wore his face."

"No, you idiot!" Isabelle completely screamed. Her face was flushed with rage. "Simon was a vampire, alright? He was turned into a vampire. But he still acted exactly the same. He even drunk animal blood!" Ms. Lewis started mumbling, and Clary recognized them as Jewish prayers.

"Don't you _pray _at me!" Isabelle yelled, her eyes glittering with malice. "I'm half angel, and Clary is more than half-angel! We can summon an angel and bring down his heavenly wrath right on your head." Clary and Isabelle both knew that wasn't technically true, but it seemed to have the desired affect.

"Half angel?" Ms. Lewis stammered, clearly not knowing how to take the news.

"Yes, so we would know if Simon was a monster," Clary replied patiently. But Isabelle wasn't over yet, in fact, Clary had a sense that she was just getting started.

"You _knew _Simon wasn't a monster. He came to you, but you shooed him away with Stars of David. If Simon had been a monster, he would have killed you right then and there, right on your doorstep. Once you told him to leave, he left you alone, and didn't come back. You knew he was the same. But you were afraid of any sort of change, so you sent your only son away." Isabelle finished, with a little sigh of content and a flick of her hair.

"And you think Rebecca is going to talk to you ever again once she finds out?" Clary asked, her tears lessening, her confidence growing.  
"No!" Ms. Lewis looked completely terrified now. "You can't tell her!"

"We will, and you should feel the guilt," said Isabelle, rising from her chair. Clary looked at her questioningly. Surely they weren't leaving immediately after telling Simon's mom the news? Suddenly, Ms. Lewis collapsed in her chair. Clary checked her pulse. Her heart wasn't beating.

"She's had a heart attack," Clary stammered. "We gave her a heart attack." She picked up her phone and dialed.

"911, what is your emergency?" Clary gave them the details, and together, with a last look at Ms. Lewis's weary face, vanished out the front door.


	29. Chapter 29

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter 29 – "Distraction"

Clary felt horrible. She had killed Simon, she had killed Simon's mom. And she couldn't wiggle herself out of the culprit position by saying she had murdered them indirectly, because that wasn't true. She had literally destroyed the Lewis family, and once Simon's sister found out, Clary would be the clear suspect of the crime. No one seemed to understand the concept of what Clary had done, and no one blamed anything on her. They called Ms. Lewis' death an effect of a "weak heart" and shock. But deep down, Clary wondered if they knew these remarks were false, and were simply telling her them out of sympathy.

Clary couldn't stop whining. She had witnessed and caused so many terrible events, and honestly, she had no idea what to do next.

"Stop it." Jace took her head in his hands and kissed her forehead. Clary cursed herself silently. She had almost forgotten the most important thing in her life. Jace had been there for her time and time again, and there she was, practically ignoring him. It was night at the Institute, and they had spent it lying on one of the spare beds. Jace deserved a reward for being such a good boyfriend, didn't he? Jace dropped his hands to his sides, and she put her head in his lap. She looked up into his face and tried to distract herself in the way the light from the lamp caught his golden hair. His eyes were deep, filled with a never-ending love and sadness. He stroked her head, watching her. Sitting up, Clary positioned herself so she was sitting in Jace's lap. She straddled him, feeling his hipbones. Jace must have seen something in her eyes change, because he pressed his mouth to her collarbone, his kisses massaging her neck. His back moved forward and back as he did this, rocking them back and forth gently. Jace stopped for a moment to look up to her face. Clary wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. They stayed like that for a minute, staring at each other, their faces inches a part as they lost themselves in each other's infinites.

"Is this okay?" Jace asked her softly, genuinely wanting to know the answer. Clary knew what he was asking, that he was asking her permission, always wanting to know if Clary was comfortable. It would be all right, Clary assured herself. Didn't they deserve a break from all the crazy?

Slowly, Clary nodded. Jace sighed, a beautiful noise. Clary wasn't nervous. She felt like she knew what she was doing, even though this was something she had never done before. He lied back on the bed, Clary still attached to his hips. Clary moved ever so slightly, so she was sitting comfortably on top of Jace. She leaned on to him, their bodies touching. Clary could feel the feverish spark of electricity pass between them. Jace put a hand behind her neck, sat up slightly and eased into a kiss. A part of Clary seemed to let go, and stop caring. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him upright, pulling him closer. Their parted lips moved in unison, and Clary enjoyed the thrill of exploring his mouth. Their bodies were rocking harder now, pressed tightly to one another. Jace mumbled her name against her lips, playing with the hem of her shirt. She waved him on, feeling the hard muscles of his back. Her hands started at the top of his back and moved down, letting herself feel every line and curve. Reaching his lower back, she moved her hands around to his abdomen, feeling a new range of rock hard muscle. Yet again, her hands moved slowly down, pausing on his waistband. Clary stroked the line of skin between Jace's pants and his abs. Jace moaned, louder this time. And then her T-shirt was off, and Jace was clutching at her waist. His hands moved slowly up, and Clary arched up against him. He held her back, just below her bra. His face lowered to her neck, and she pushed his head lower. His face nuzzling her chest, he moved to the clasp of her bra. Clary paused for only a moment. This was always where they stopped, but Clary didn't want to stop. Clary mumbled his name, allowing him to fill her up. With what she could see was effort, Jace pulled his face up from her chest to her face. They leapt into a passionate kiss, always kissing harder, harder. Clary wanted to capture the moment. Nothing could possibly ruin the perfectness of the moment. Their bodies moved in synchronization, giving each other what they wanted. Then, unwanted, a picture of Simon appeared in Clary's mind. Gasping, Clary pulled away from Jace. He looked confused, and Clary drew back into the kiss, moving her body up and over Jace's. She didn't want to think about Simon. But he just reappeared in her head, his body butchered as she desperately tried to stop the bleeding. Gasping again, Clary pushed Jace away.

"Clary?" Jace's voice was low and throaty from the kiss. It had a questioning tone.

"I can't do this," Clary said, inhaling the air heavily.

"If this is about Simon…" Jace looked concerned and a bit… did Clary detect jealousy? She stared at him, absently wondering if she was imagining things. Apparently she wasn't. "Do you still love him?"

"Jesus, no Jace," Clary said, angrily exasperated. The heat from their session was wearing off, leaving an icy feeling behind. "How can you even say that?" Jace turned away, looking unconvinced.

"Sometimes, it seems like all you care about is Simon." Clary grabbed her shirt and pulled it on furiously, getting more angry by the second, especially when her fumbling fingers couldn't get her top on the right way. And then Jace was there, putting on the shirt for her. She didn't look at him as she threw on her heavy coat and headed towards the door.

"Clary? Are you leaving?" Jace sounded wounded, and very tired.

"Well, what did you expect me to do? I wasn't going to stick around after a comment like that." Clary retorted. She didn't turn around. Jace's strong arms gently wrapped around her from behind.

"I'm sorry," Jace said quietly, tucking her head under his chin. "That was insensitive." Clary was silent as she ducked out from under him and twisted the doorknob until the door was open by a crack.

"Stay?"

"My mom will probably be wondering where I am." Clary didn't look at him. They both knew it wasn't true. Jocelyn had been extremely relaxed with Clary and her freedom since Simon's death.

A long silence passed before she said something, letting a small amount of venom sneak into her voice.

"And remarkably enough, I'm not in the mood anymore."


End file.
